Some Me Time.

It is 3am and I should be sleeping; I recognize that. Instead, I am writing my first post in three months while watching a Disney movie. My dog is asleep next to me, the cat across the room, LO and DH in bed. The exhaustion has been almost unbearable lately with a sick, teething baby having breathing troubles. And yet, I don't want to go to sleep.

I woke up early this morning and brought LO to the doctor to make sure her cold was only a cold. I watched her all day and didn't get the break that comes with naps. Because she hasn't been napping lately. DH came home and it was straight to writing. Then, he wanted to go to the mall and wander to get out of the house. LO, though, needed to go to bed and instead became overtired.

Lately, DH has been frustrated, tired, and angers easily. This means he has a hard time with a sick, overtired baby and generally his frustration makes her frustrated. So I was up with her until midnight before she fell asleep, procrastinating the rest of my writing even more. I finally finished an hour ago, changed into my pajamas, brushed my teeth, and am now enjoying the moment.

I can count on my hands the number of moments I've had to myself in the past year. I'm either a stay at home mom with a baby that wants to know and be in everything, avoiding naps, and making for long days. In between that and after, I am writing for two different companies while making feeble attempts at crafting my own business. When DH gets home, I write and watch the baby when he just can't. That means most nights I am up until 1am to get work done, then to bed to wake up every couple hours (or every 30 minutes while LO is sick) to nurse. At 8am, 9am if I am lucky, she is up and ready for the day and I am still exhausted. Each day continues like this until the weekend when I can sleep in. By the time I wake up, the day is gone except for time to run a few errands before dinner and putting the baby to sleep.

The house is a disaster, we have no holiday decorations up. There are dirty diapers waiting for the wet bag to dry so they can be put away. Dried peas are mashed into the floor, the couch is stained, and I have old spit up on my pants. And, I am still enjoying this moment. I cannot remember the last me time I have had. Without having to worry about a baby. Without having to worry about an overwhelmed husband. Even in the exhaustion and high anxiety, this moment is refreshing and meditative.

Now, DH has awoken after the baby stirred and it is over. Time for sleep and in a few hours, real sleep. Uninterrupted sleep. And, maybe sometime this week, a little more time for me.