Attachment Parenting

My therapist wants to make sure I attach to my daughter and vice versa. But, she said she can tell E is attached to me - I just have to work on my side. Not that we aren't bonded or that I don't love her. We have a relationship, at this point it is making sure it continues to grow in a positive manner. So we are trying to do attachment parenting to accomplish this.

Attachment parenting means that you breastfeed (if possible), babywear, co-sleep. You don't let you baby cry, you read her signals. You get to know what she needs when she needs it before tantrums occur. And, I am breastfeeding. Check. I know her signals, check. I generally know what she needs, check.

But, I have stopped babywearing and I am not sure exactly why. Perhaps it is a little laziness. My excuses: its summer and hot and she is heavy. I get tired and sweaty and now put her in a stroller while we walk. I wish wish wish they made strollers where the baby could face you instead of the outside world. That is one of the reasons you babywear. She is able to block out overstimulation, see your face to know things are okay. In a stroller facing away from you, neither of these things can occur. And she doesn't need to face forward. Sure, its a new view, but there is nothing she needs to see that she can't see behind me.

We are co-sleeping, but frankly its due to necessity. E demands it. If we didn't co-sleep, I wouldn't sleep. DH probably would. She sleeps better when she is next to the warmth of a person. Leave her alone in the room and she doesn't sleep nearly as well and wakes up screaming and scared. Eventually it will get better and eventually we will both learn how to sleep with her in her fabulous crib. I can attest to the mattress being quite comfortable. I think, though, I am just as wary of her being in her own room as she is. But, for me, it is a control thing and something I just have to get over. I like knowing she is safe next to me and not worrying about whether she is breathing or if someone broke in. That's really why I like co-sleeping - because I get to be emotionally more comfortable as well. Let's face it though, she won't want to sleep in my bed until she moves out.

And, I try not to let her cry. I really do. But, sometimes I know she is crying because she needs to vent. Because she is tired and uncomfortable and can't fall asleep (heredity problem perhaps?). All I can do is let her know I am there, touch her hand, hold her if she will let me. If she is throwing a tantrum, she gets to have them. I try distraction, but if she really really wants that cat hairball to eat, she'll learn to be disappointed and get over it. I won't leave her crying if she is hurt, scared, or needing comfort. Though, I will admit. Somedays, I am just so tired. Like last Friday, when the crazy girl woke up at 6am and refused naps and was crabby and I was so so exhausted. It was all I could muster not to breakdown crying. On days like those, I am nowhere near as attentive. I make sure she is safe, but I don't really interact with her. I know that her crying will continue and so I take longer to get to it, just hoping hoping hoping she will find something to distract her back to the happy stage. It can get so overwhelming.

We are in the process of nightweaning. Some nights it is successful and she'll go 4 hours without eating (still waking however). Some nights she wakes back up 10 minutes after DH puts her down and I have to feed her anyways because he won't get back up a second time. But, we are staying consistent and eventually she is going to break and learn how to continue sleeping rather than needing help to fall back asleep. Who knows when, but it will happen.

And, we are going to restart trying to give her a bedtime again. She seems to do best when she falls asleep at 830. If nothing wakes her up: dog, alarm clock, snoring, gas, she sleeps 12 hours (waking up every 2ish). It isn't ideal, but it is an improvement. She is also more likely to nap and let's face it, we are both much happier. DH doesn't want to restart this week only because we are trying to tackle the bathroom before my parents arrive next week. So every night there is sanding, painting, ripping out tile. Not having a toilet for 2 days. Things like that. Things that make schedules in progress a tad hard since we have no idea how long it may take her to fall asleep. However, if I feel adventurous, I may start it by myself because I am so tired and its only MONDAY. Oi, here is to a long week. Let's hope we all get better sleep. And, let's hope I am not failing at attachment parenting and that I am giving enough of myself to my daughter. Even on the days all I can offer is milk and safety.