A Little Out There.

I have been thinking about having a doula at my birth. They specialize in ensuring your birth plan is followed as medically safe and massage your back or other points to help with pain management. I intend to try a natural birth, with IV pain meds at most because I'm terrified of the epidural. It can have terrible consequences on both the mother and child, plus who wants a giant needle shoved in their spine? Not this Momma. So having the doula could be extremely helpful. The problem is - insurance doesn't cover them and their services are not cheap ($500 is cheap). Just this minute, I found out that the hospital I will be birthing at has volunteer doulas available for any mother - if you go into labor on a weekend, hahaha. So, uh, Magoo, you want to try to time this birth from a Friday to Sunday please and thank you:)

Even further out there: placenta encapsulation. Also not cheap at $150, but I asked to be put on a sliding scale unless DH or I get a job and can afford the full price. What this entails is saving the placenta. I am asking for delayed cord clamping so the baby is born with all of the necessary blood - immediately clamping cuts off up to 50% of the baby's blood supply. Then the placenta is taken to a specialist who will dehydrate it, cut it up, mix it with herbs and shove it into capsules. I take a few a day and work my way down to one a day. Kind of disgusting, right? Ingesting your own organ. Some people just eat the damn thing raw. Ick. No thank you, just having to swallow the pill will be disgusting.

Why do this? Well it is proven to have a lot of benefits. Keeping your milk supply up, causing post partum bleeding to significantly lessen, boost your immunity, etc. The most important thing for me however, is that it is proven to reduce your chances for post partum depression/anxiety. As someone already diagnosed with generalized anxiety and only a few points away from meeting requirements of where they would be worried about me (in terms of pregnancy and anxiety problems), I run a high risk of post partum anxiety. If sucking it up and taking a few pills of placenta a day will keep me mentally healthy so I can maintain physically/emotionally stable relationships with myself, my new child and my husband, well I will do that. I've been so deep in anxiety/panic, I can't possibly imagine falling any lower and living through it. Maybe even thinking this can help will make a difference even if it actually doesn't. But somehow I will find the money to be able to eat my placenta. I have been on a low for a long time and I refuse to stay there.

This is me saying,  yes.

A Long Time Coming.

It has been almost three weeks since my last post, I sincerely apologize for my laziness. My goal is to write at least twice a week (let's see how that goes!). I have been having a difficult month and not really acknowledging it, but rather being overtaken by the emotions of it. My anger was extremely overbearing the last three weeks with a little depression added in for flavor. I'm sure many of you probably noticed it in my posts thus far, they aren't the most uplifting. Friday, my therapist told me, "Stacy, you are suffering. I can see you are really suffering. What else has to go wrong for you to change?" I told her maybe the house collapsing, but then took that back because I would take that as a good thing (hahaha, but true). I didn't know. I got home, worked out and then the irony hit. DH got off of worked and came home to tell me he lost his job. We had until the end of May. This came as a shock to both of us because it wasn't what we were being told would happen by his superiors, in fact it was never even seen as an option by them. So we have a house, bills, animals, baby, cancer-ridden FIL and soon to have no income or health care. Yikes. That was what else had to go wrong. We researched how to get health care for me, food stamps, WIC, etc so that we could at least afford the pregnancy. I called doctor's offices and labs to find out how much things cost without insurance. We both started applying to jobs. Then Chris got a 6 week extension, so now we have until July 12th. Not perfect, but much better. We have time to save a few dollars, get through Magoo's anatomy scan and find jobs that will line up with when we need the money. Still stressful, but the bomb isn't ticking yet. I guess this isn't a post just about Magoo (who as far as we know is doing swimmingly in my uterus), but to keep your fingers crossed and your prayers open that we will piece this together. Perhaps for the first time in three years, DH and I can have a piece of stability.

A Few Things for Magoo.

It's a puppy and a blanket.

The diaper bag (the other side has pockets).

Frog sleeping sack? Yes, Please!

Magoo in a Heart.

A Week Later.

It has now been a week, a very very busy week, since moving into our first house. Unfortunately, Mom-to-Be (though I think such a thing doesn't exist, you are a mom from the moment you take on the task of being pregnant) didn't plan well. I didn't set aside enough food and I definitely did not set aside enough liquids. After our first load, we bought pizza for all the helpers and I scarfed down THREE pieces! I usually have trouble finishing one. And it was so greasy, the first slice, the grease dripped all over my hands, my dress and my pants. Yuck.

So the move happened. We still aren't out of our apartment and need to pay bills in two separate places. Stressful. And rebuild our savings. Because I got a little dehydrated and stressed (I don't adapt quickly or gracefully), my morning sickness came back fiercely. My in-laws came over to see the house Sunday night - and the washer/dryer they bought us - and brought over dinner for all of us. Very sweet of them. I didn't eat their dinner because it contained rice (note earlier post). I did however have a lot of vomit later that night. This will be TMI for many people, but I find it funny. My vomit consisted of soup, milkshake and gatorade and somehow was strangely thick. I hadn't finished my soup so DH had dumped it in the sink (forgetting we don't have a garbage disposal perhaps?) Needless to say, I throw up in trash cans and sinks - the thought of having my head in a toilet disgusts me enough to maintain throwing up non-stop. So he dumped thick vomit on the noodles, which of course plugged up the sink. And it was a lot of vomit. I gathered myself and offered to stick my hands in there to unplug, but DH put on a pair of latex gloves and did the dirty work while completely grossing himself out. It was hilarious. End of TMI.

I spent the next few days after the move barely moving from bed to couch. Trying to drink enough fluids and eat enough food. Wednesday, I had blood drawn and my thyroid was very high so my prescription was lowered. I also brought back some items from the apartment, got a package of super cute baby things (I will post pictures in a few minutes), and apparently pulled/tore a muscle in my leg because all the inactivity from hemorrhages and nausea made my muscles that weak. I know this because Thursday, I called to ask if consistant calf pain in one calf was normal in pregnancy because I was limping a little. Needless to say, I immediately had to go to the doctor, which turned into an immediate send to the hospital for a doppler on my leg to make sure there were no blood clots. Family history, pregnancy and a blood clot in my uterus put me at higher risk. But there was no blood clot. It is something with my muscle. Now I go back in on Monday to go over some blood test results that were off and have my 12 week follow up.

That's right I am TWELVE weeks (well I will be in 2 hours)! One more week and my first trimester is over. A third of the way done. Even better, we had our NT scan this morning as well. I heard from a girl yesterday who had a clot in her uterus like mine, we were two of the only ones not to bleed. She lost her baby because the placenta couldn't attach through the bleed. Needless to say, not what I needed to hear. Our genetic counselor was very lovely and told us she thought we had normal family history and nothing to worry about. Then the ultrasound. The wand went down, I saw my baby and she didn't move! I freaked out a little and then realized it was how the wand was being held, phew. Because Magoo thinks she is a rock star. The tech and the doctor had trouble getting good pictures because she moved WAY too much. Steady heart rate of 161. I could see the heart pumping in her chest, her bladder was empty (which means she recently peed into me), her brain was developed. The doctor said she looked as normal as normal could get. I also had to give blood and should get the results of that soon, which will tell me the statistical risk factors for different genetic problems that may arise. All-in-all it was a fairly good day. I just finished my jamba juice, we have a working washer and dryer. We have new locks on our doors and a stove coming on Tuesday (ugh - the previous owners did NOT care for their appliances in any form at all and some, like the stove, was left in basic non-working condition. Something we did not anticipate or would have been asked for some money back). Tonight DH is making me ham, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob and gravy. Sounds freaking delicious, but with the rate my stomach is two bites in I'll be full!

I have twelve more ounces of fluid I need to drink, a full bladder and we are waking up to see The Avengers hoping the theatre will be less crowded (for me, DH could care less). Then a weekend to unpack. I actually emptied a suitcase today. That is a big wow:)