It happened, she finally arrived with a little assistance. I had been telling my doctors that I needed something to ripen my cervix up in order to go into labor because with all the contractions I was having, I know it wouldn't dilate fast itself. In fact I dilated about a centimeter a month. And so finally at 40w2d they allowed me to have an induction. DH and I got to the hospital at 8pm and I was already dilated to a 2 and having contractions 3-4 minutes apart. The contractions just weren't strong enough.
The doctors thought if they could further the dilation, I could go into active labor on my own and attempted to insert the foley bulb - three painful times. The foley bulb is catheter placed in the vagina and through both sides of the cervix. A balloon on the end is then inflated and every 30 minutes a nurse yanks on it, forcing your cervix open. Unfortunately it could not be properly placed in me and they offered to let me go home. I declined and said I would not be leaving without a baby.
We then monitored my contractions for another 30 minutes without me moving and they slowed down to every 6 minutes. They would allow me at this point to try either cervadil or cytotec. The doctor on call really tried to push the cytotec, but I would not have it. It is a pill inserted into your vagina that the body absorbs and helps the cervix out. It generally causes pretty intense contractions and cannot be taken out. The company that manufactures it states it is not safe to use in this fashion and the FDA does not approve the use of it either. So we went with cervadil - a gel placed on a tampon that can be taken out. Normally it is in you for 12 hours and requires a 2nd dose to do anything. Lucky me, that is not what happened!
After 2 hours I asked for it to be removed, my contractions were entirely too strong and one on top of the other. It was pulled out and I was having extreme anxiety from the pain. My nurse decided to give an IV drug that helps for about 30-1hr minutes and you can only get every hour. It works less the more you get it. It took a few minutes to hit and then I had to sit down. I remember saying, oh this is a good drug, this is really good. But after the first dose I labored for four hours naturally. I walked, got in a jacuzzi tub, rocked in a chair. Moaned and said "ow" very loudly over and over. Until I couldn't take it anymore and got another shot of the drug. At that point, my lovely nurse (every nurse I saw was incredibly nice and helpful and didn't mind my loud pain noises or constant calling of them to my room for help) ordered my epidural. I was still only dilated to about a 3 and knew when my water broke the contractions would get worse and I couldn't deal with a higher level of pain.
Another hour later and the epidural people arrived and I cried and tried not to panic because the thought of it terrified me. DH got to hold my feet, the nurse held my hand and I held onto a pillow. Really it wasn't a terrible process, I don't want to do it again, it was uncomfortable and at times painful, but we all made it through. The worse part is that the epidural formula didn't actually work for me, so I had to get a bonus shot of extra drugs every few hours to help it out. My doula arrived right after this was put in.
At this point, I got in a short nap during which time my water broke by itself. I felt one small gush, but my legs were incredibly numb from the epidural. In fact, I couldn't even move my right leg at all and it made me slightly anxious. I made sure either my doula or DH was with me at all times because I hated that loss of control. I still felt some contractions - especially when the bonus shot wore off. I rolled in between different positions on the bed and then we realized Magoo was still slightly turned in the wrong direction. I had to lie on my left side with my leg thrown over me onto a table and propped up by multiple pillows. At some point during that she turned the correct way.
The rest of the labor is pretty much a blur to me. I remember the doctors, my original nurse (I think we cycled through 5 during the course of the labor), a student nurse, my doula and DH all there telling me it was time to push. I tried to concentrate on staying quiet and focusing my energy into the actual push. We tried a few different positions. I constantly asked where she was to try to determine how much longer the pushing would take. I was exhausted because I basically had been awake for 48 hours. At some point my epidural wore off and the contractions were so painful I couldn't even push. Somewhere down the line I passed out - apparently for 30-45 minutes because of the exhaustion. I had to get an oxygen mask. I woke up to my doctors telling me either I had to have vacuum assist or pitocin to help get Magoo out because she was distressed. Because of a bump in my pelvis, every time I pushed unless I could push hard enough to get her pass that, she slid back to where she started. DH kept saying pitocin pitocin and I, not realizing at that point exactly what it would do, knew I couldn't handle stronger contractions and said no. They went to do a vacuum assist, but before they could somehow I started screaming and pushing for what seemed like forever. They did assist getting her out, but much more minimally than expected. There was a lot of stretching and some burning, but honestly the actual arrival of her hurt a thousand times less than the contractions to get to that point.
My doctor placed her on me and helped pump the cord blood into her because they didn't want to wait for it to be done. I had to have her taken off because I was nauseated (I threw up 3 times during labor) and the weight of her on my stomach was making it a lot worse. I remember asking if I could take my legs down (they were stitching up a tear I had) and then DH doing some skin to skin time with her while I couldn't. Eventually my legs got to be put down, I threw up again and I held Magoo again. She was a lovely 8lbs 2ozs and 20.5 inches long. A pretty darn good size baby - without a name.
The last part of my labor came when we all realized I couldn't pee on my own yet and hadn't gone in over 4 hours. With a constant IV drip, that was a problem. I had to have my catheter put back in and they took 700mL of urine out of my bladder. In other words, A LOT. I then started having pain from the catheter so they took it back out - apparently my bladder went into spasms from holding so much and then emptying.
So after 24 hours of active labor and 4 hours of actively pushing, a baby was born on the 21st. Here's to Ellowyn.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
Come and Go.
Everyone thought Magoo would arrive early: "You're having too many contractions to last much longer, "you'll be back this weekend," or "it won't be more than two weeks." Here we are with Magoo still kicking around my uterus and other organs days past when she was supposed to arrive. I really am not surprised, I never anticipated my body being able to get into gear and jumpstart labor on its own. Obviously Magoo has been trying, but either she is half-hearted in her attempts or my body rejects them.
So this brings me to: No, I haven't had the baby yet so stop asking. If Magoo was born and you didn't know, there is a reason for that. It doesn't matter what that reason is, I don't want you to know. So asking will accomplish nothing but a further invasion of privacy. Especially if it comes with, "I'm impatient, I can't wait anymore." Two words there: F*** You. Suddenly you remember a baby is due about this time (let's face it, due dates are due weeks and should be counted two weeks before and after the date. Nobody can say a baby is due on one specific date). But I'm the pregnant one, I'm the one doing the work so she can do hers. I'm the one who has felt sick or been in pain for 40 weeks (no exaggeration, I knew I was pregnant on day 3). So don't tell me you can't wait any longer.
And don't think its okay to ask a pregnant woman a question that you wouldn't ask any other person walking down the street. Because it isn't, it is still rude. Just because a woman can grow a child doesn't mean she is public domain. Don't touch her, don't ask personal questions. Don't ask when she is due. Don't tell her that her belly is huge and she must be due soon or carrying twins. Don't tell her how lucky she is to have a small stomach or tell her she looks tiny. That is also rude. If you have something to say it should be "Congratulations" or "you look so healthy." Or smile and keep walking. Don't park in pregnant parking spots, don't try to run her over while she slowly walks through a crosswalk. Don't make her stand on a bus while you sit. Luckily, I have been pretty lucky in the NW. Very few people have asked me when I was due. We don't have spots for pregnant women to park so that doesn't matter. And generally people either let me ahead of them in line or a cashier will open up for me so I don't have to wait. People here get boundaries.
So, what this means is relax. I have had to. DH has to. Everyone has to. You'll get the information you want on my timeline or not at all. It is pretty simple really. And even as I finish this post, guess what? The only baby here is the one in utero and the sad puppy on the couch. My, oh my.
So this brings me to: No, I haven't had the baby yet so stop asking. If Magoo was born and you didn't know, there is a reason for that. It doesn't matter what that reason is, I don't want you to know. So asking will accomplish nothing but a further invasion of privacy. Especially if it comes with, "I'm impatient, I can't wait anymore." Two words there: F*** You. Suddenly you remember a baby is due about this time (let's face it, due dates are due weeks and should be counted two weeks before and after the date. Nobody can say a baby is due on one specific date). But I'm the pregnant one, I'm the one doing the work so she can do hers. I'm the one who has felt sick or been in pain for 40 weeks (no exaggeration, I knew I was pregnant on day 3). So don't tell me you can't wait any longer.
And don't think its okay to ask a pregnant woman a question that you wouldn't ask any other person walking down the street. Because it isn't, it is still rude. Just because a woman can grow a child doesn't mean she is public domain. Don't touch her, don't ask personal questions. Don't ask when she is due. Don't tell her that her belly is huge and she must be due soon or carrying twins. Don't tell her how lucky she is to have a small stomach or tell her she looks tiny. That is also rude. If you have something to say it should be "Congratulations" or "you look so healthy." Or smile and keep walking. Don't park in pregnant parking spots, don't try to run her over while she slowly walks through a crosswalk. Don't make her stand on a bus while you sit. Luckily, I have been pretty lucky in the NW. Very few people have asked me when I was due. We don't have spots for pregnant women to park so that doesn't matter. And generally people either let me ahead of them in line or a cashier will open up for me so I don't have to wait. People here get boundaries.
So, what this means is relax. I have had to. DH has to. Everyone has to. You'll get the information you want on my timeline or not at all. It is pretty simple really. And even as I finish this post, guess what? The only baby here is the one in utero and the sad puppy on the couch. My, oh my.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Reaching the End.
The past weeks have been a bit tougher than anticipated. DH's father unexpectedly-ish passed away. While he has been fighting cancer and effects of diabetes for sometime, he suddenly needed to go into the hospital to be placed on a ventilator. We were told he would come off and things looked good, only to find out the next day he had multiple strokes and heart failure. Needless to say he fought as hard as he could to make it to Magoo's birth, but his body just couldn't do anymore. I told him he had to watch over her because I could tell she would be a troublemaker like DH, so we know he will be there (probably egging her on at times knowing him).
In other news, Magoo is now full term and ready to pop out at any second. Of course she didn't come today - I was hoping the full moon would help things out. But everything looked good at our last appointment. We have our last ultrasound of the pregnancy this week and another appointment to ask questions and I have a lot! The hope is that her kidneys are at least not any worse since our last ultrasound and she will still only need antibiotics at birth and not a surgery.
Mainly, we found out this week I am GBS positive (Strep B, which for most adults is symptomless and harmless. It lives either in your bladder/genital area or intestine/rectum area and can be passed to the baby at birth. This could be potentially deadly to an infant). I was oddly surprised, when I should not have been. It comes and goes, so you aren't always positive, but it strikes people with compromised immune systems. So no surprise I have it. This means I already have to change my birth plan.
Initially, my birth plan included placing a hemlock in case of emergency, but not allowing IV fluids or IVs to be hooked up until an emergency so I was freer to move around. I will now need to get antibiotics every 4 hours until I give birth to her, meaning that I will be hooked up to the IV. The hope is that lets say the bag empties in 30 minutes, then they can unhook the IV and for at least the next 3 hours I can be free. I also want to know what antibiotics they will use because the ones most often used I will not have.
Overall, things are progressing well. We are still hoping she comes sooner rather than later to avoid an induction. DH will also have two weeks off to spend time with us prior to returning back to work, so ideally she comes on the 3rd. That means we have two weeks to bond as a family, get a schedule down and then he returns to work the same week my parents arrive. Plus Thanksgiving is the next week, so it would almost be like having three weeks off!
Until then, Halloween is only a couple days away. Maybe she wants to be a Halloween baby.
In other news, Magoo is now full term and ready to pop out at any second. Of course she didn't come today - I was hoping the full moon would help things out. But everything looked good at our last appointment. We have our last ultrasound of the pregnancy this week and another appointment to ask questions and I have a lot! The hope is that her kidneys are at least not any worse since our last ultrasound and she will still only need antibiotics at birth and not a surgery.
Mainly, we found out this week I am GBS positive (Strep B, which for most adults is symptomless and harmless. It lives either in your bladder/genital area or intestine/rectum area and can be passed to the baby at birth. This could be potentially deadly to an infant). I was oddly surprised, when I should not have been. It comes and goes, so you aren't always positive, but it strikes people with compromised immune systems. So no surprise I have it. This means I already have to change my birth plan.
Initially, my birth plan included placing a hemlock in case of emergency, but not allowing IV fluids or IVs to be hooked up until an emergency so I was freer to move around. I will now need to get antibiotics every 4 hours until I give birth to her, meaning that I will be hooked up to the IV. The hope is that lets say the bag empties in 30 minutes, then they can unhook the IV and for at least the next 3 hours I can be free. I also want to know what antibiotics they will use because the ones most often used I will not have.
Overall, things are progressing well. We are still hoping she comes sooner rather than later to avoid an induction. DH will also have two weeks off to spend time with us prior to returning back to work, so ideally she comes on the 3rd. That means we have two weeks to bond as a family, get a schedule down and then he returns to work the same week my parents arrive. Plus Thanksgiving is the next week, so it would almost be like having three weeks off!
Until then, Halloween is only a couple days away. Maybe she wants to be a Halloween baby.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Mini-Wolverine.
My doctor called me last night to see how I was doing after I had emailed him some symptoms to see if they were normal. As it turns out, they are and are not. The weight of the baby is pushing on my vena cava - one of the main bloodflows in the body. Normally in pregnancy, its only bothered if you lay on your back. Mine bothers me sitting, laying on my left side, my right side, my back. Pretty much any position except standing - except I don't have the energy to stand and that can be painful on its own. I was told to stay away from any position that causes me to feel a rapid heartbeat, lightheaded, thirsty, dizzy, etc. Well that is pretty much impossible.
I also think homegirl may be sunnyside up or posterior (her face is at my tummy instead of my back) which causes back pain, back labor and quite possibly c-section dependent on the position. Reason being that the head has to go around my body's curves more and in an unnatural position so its harder. But currently, I feel like my back has been sliced apart and stabbed. Whether its just the giant belly or my girl takes after Wolverine has yet to be determined. I am pretty darn sure DH would be thrilled to have a female Wolverine.
Otherwise I am drinking lots of water, peeing a few times every night, having my first delivery dreams (I seem to be behind on those) and looking forward in 2 weeks to having a LOT of spicy food that may help with labor. Oh and, you know, rocking a few times in order to get off the couch or bed and grunting. Belly is overtaking body, but at least its only with a few weeks left.
I also think homegirl may be sunnyside up or posterior (her face is at my tummy instead of my back) which causes back pain, back labor and quite possibly c-section dependent on the position. Reason being that the head has to go around my body's curves more and in an unnatural position so its harder. But currently, I feel like my back has been sliced apart and stabbed. Whether its just the giant belly or my girl takes after Wolverine has yet to be determined. I am pretty darn sure DH would be thrilled to have a female Wolverine.
Otherwise I am drinking lots of water, peeing a few times every night, having my first delivery dreams (I seem to be behind on those) and looking forward in 2 weeks to having a LOT of spicy food that may help with labor. Oh and, you know, rocking a few times in order to get off the couch or bed and grunting. Belly is overtaking body, but at least its only with a few weeks left.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Absentee Brain
I really thought I had posted in October, I specifically remember thinking I posted about having 27 days left until I am full term. Obviously, this was either imagined or forgotten (pregnancy brain has landed), but was well-intentioned. Today is October 10 so I have only 17 days until full-term.
In the past few weeks a few things have happened:
Ultrasound: Magoo's kidneys are not doing well. The doctor's call them 'juicy.' This means that they are backlogged and the urine is causing them to swell instead of emptying fully into her bladder. She will definitely need antibiotics at birth, an ultrasound at 2 weeks and quite possibly surgery. It isn't the end all, but isn't ideal. We have a follow up ultrasound in a few more weeks and hopefully they haven't gotten any worse (it isn't expected that they will get better at this point). Luckily, the doctors have seen worse, which is always good.
Appointments: Everything seems to be going well otherwise. At 37w she can make her appearance (though at this point if I went into labor it wouldn't be stopped). Ideally she comes around 38w. Because of my thyroid problems, I will be induced if by my due date she hasn't come. I have a higher chance for delivering a stillborn than most people, so letting her go over isn't in anyone's best interest. That means by November 17th (unless labor is crazy long), a baby will be here.
My next appointment is in a week. I am gaining an insane amount of weight (8lbs in 10 days) so I am a little worried to get weighed in next week. My blood pressure has also risen from low to normal, but it has to be monitored because if it continues to rise it will get too high prior to my delivery date.
Magoo has a head full of hair, a perfectly round torso, a seemingly lovely thyroid (though it hasn't been seen and we don't know if its functioning) and loves loves loves to roll around. My uterus and ribs feel it. She is also head down and ready to roll (I think she can still drop farther however, but at least things are started). I learned a few days ago that if the baby can drop into position in your pelvis, then its wide enough to deliver vaginally. So things are looking good there.
Until then, meeting other new Mom's, going out at least once a week to socialize and finish projects before her arrival. All the sewing has been completed (planned sewing at least), now I am trying to finishing the last knitting project I had planned and started. Clothes are washed, diapers are prepped. If DH gets the dresser sanded this weekend, I can paint it next week and maybe in two weekends we can have an organized nursery. I can only hope!
In the past few weeks a few things have happened:
Ultrasound: Magoo's kidneys are not doing well. The doctor's call them 'juicy.' This means that they are backlogged and the urine is causing them to swell instead of emptying fully into her bladder. She will definitely need antibiotics at birth, an ultrasound at 2 weeks and quite possibly surgery. It isn't the end all, but isn't ideal. We have a follow up ultrasound in a few more weeks and hopefully they haven't gotten any worse (it isn't expected that they will get better at this point). Luckily, the doctors have seen worse, which is always good.
Appointments: Everything seems to be going well otherwise. At 37w she can make her appearance (though at this point if I went into labor it wouldn't be stopped). Ideally she comes around 38w. Because of my thyroid problems, I will be induced if by my due date she hasn't come. I have a higher chance for delivering a stillborn than most people, so letting her go over isn't in anyone's best interest. That means by November 17th (unless labor is crazy long), a baby will be here.
My next appointment is in a week. I am gaining an insane amount of weight (8lbs in 10 days) so I am a little worried to get weighed in next week. My blood pressure has also risen from low to normal, but it has to be monitored because if it continues to rise it will get too high prior to my delivery date.
Magoo has a head full of hair, a perfectly round torso, a seemingly lovely thyroid (though it hasn't been seen and we don't know if its functioning) and loves loves loves to roll around. My uterus and ribs feel it. She is also head down and ready to roll (I think she can still drop farther however, but at least things are started). I learned a few days ago that if the baby can drop into position in your pelvis, then its wide enough to deliver vaginally. So things are looking good there.
Until then, meeting other new Mom's, going out at least once a week to socialize and finish projects before her arrival. All the sewing has been completed (planned sewing at least), now I am trying to finishing the last knitting project I had planned and started. Clothes are washed, diapers are prepped. If DH gets the dresser sanded this weekend, I can paint it next week and maybe in two weekends we can have an organized nursery. I can only hope!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Mother's Unite.
I've been staying at home for too long, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and what I am capable of doing. Then seeing how these two things can mesh. Things were falling into place until the pregnancy happened - not that the pregnancy was out of the blue, but definitely earlier than we thought (how many people get knocked up on the first not trying to not try attempt?). So what I was putting into place no longer worked.
A study was just completed this year because Portland has been nicknamed the place where young people come to retire. It turns out, people who come to Portland just want a laid back, environmentally friendly city that is relatively accepting of everyone. We are actually one of the most underpaid major cities in the country and people are okay with that because of the environment. But that means, even with a Master's, I could never make enough money to cover the costs of daycare. I may break even, but why work just to afford some other person watching our kid? This means I will continue to stay at home with our daughter, hoping to find some online job to do to make extra money because ends are not meeting. Even with a strict budget, once DH and I add in our student loans, the bills will outweigh all our income. That is stressful.
So right now I am getting together a page to sell crafty things - we need to put together a lot to be able to afford the birth I want, the little things babies need and the big things an old house needs. Writing little articles and doing what I can. And I am starting to meet other Mother's in the area. Because before when I was home figuring things out if I didn't like it the only person I had to blame was myself. I don't want to be at home, not doing things and blaming my daughter. I went to a meeting to meet other Mom's a couple weeks ago (luckily free since I didn't have a baby yet) and today met up with a couple other Mom's for a hike. The hard part is not being able to afford to do extra things, so having to do things that are free. But we are making it work and every person I met has been extremely friendly and welcoming. I am back to getting out there. Not in the way I expected and still trying to figure out how to be a parent, a friend and an adult (as in having more to do than just parent). And knowing I can't figure it out until she is born, we are acquainted, I know her personality and schedule and how things will work for us as a family. So 5 more weeks, c'mon! There is a full moon on October 29th. Everyone keep your fingers crossed!
A study was just completed this year because Portland has been nicknamed the place where young people come to retire. It turns out, people who come to Portland just want a laid back, environmentally friendly city that is relatively accepting of everyone. We are actually one of the most underpaid major cities in the country and people are okay with that because of the environment. But that means, even with a Master's, I could never make enough money to cover the costs of daycare. I may break even, but why work just to afford some other person watching our kid? This means I will continue to stay at home with our daughter, hoping to find some online job to do to make extra money because ends are not meeting. Even with a strict budget, once DH and I add in our student loans, the bills will outweigh all our income. That is stressful.
So right now I am getting together a page to sell crafty things - we need to put together a lot to be able to afford the birth I want, the little things babies need and the big things an old house needs. Writing little articles and doing what I can. And I am starting to meet other Mother's in the area. Because before when I was home figuring things out if I didn't like it the only person I had to blame was myself. I don't want to be at home, not doing things and blaming my daughter. I went to a meeting to meet other Mom's a couple weeks ago (luckily free since I didn't have a baby yet) and today met up with a couple other Mom's for a hike. The hard part is not being able to afford to do extra things, so having to do things that are free. But we are making it work and every person I met has been extremely friendly and welcoming. I am back to getting out there. Not in the way I expected and still trying to figure out how to be a parent, a friend and an adult (as in having more to do than just parent). And knowing I can't figure it out until she is born, we are acquainted, I know her personality and schedule and how things will work for us as a family. So 5 more weeks, c'mon! There is a full moon on October 29th. Everyone keep your fingers crossed!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Six Weeks, Two Days
until full term. Not necessarily birth as not one person can predict that (if you can please let me know). That is like 44 days. Pretty darn soon when its put that way.
Today I had my first ever visit with a chiropractor. I have been having a lot of pain in my back (what's new, right preggers ladies?). Massages, heat, cold, tylenol, DO. None of it really helped, so I gave into my slight fear of being bent awkwardly and wrongly. The dude was really nice - I told him no snapping my neck. So he used what he called a "jackhammer" on it instead. There was a lot of cracking, popping and discomfort. Even though my body is overly tense, it doesn't like being forced into the correct joint holes. Either way, I walked in with a somewhat waddle and walked out with swinging hips - even 8 months knocked up.
We also put up our decal last night over the crib. Definitely more work than we anticipated, a few hours worth. Not ideal when one of the people is pregnant and can't stand up on a stool with her arms in the air for more than a few minutes. A frustrated husband wondering why I can't hold it up and that he can't put it up if I don't help him. And taking breaks to lay on the floor while the blood went back to my head. But eventually it all worked out (picture to be posted). It will go perfectly with the curtains that we picked out for her.
And in the best of news, I finally figured out why my MIL's sewing machine hated me. A smart person would have figured this out much much sooner. It is a Viking and with my machine, I can use generic size bobbins. Whatever, make it work. Viking's require custom sized bobbins. So my generic ones were getting trapped. Now I can sew and sew quickly and it works. Baby quilt almost done. Then onto a cute little dress, a travel wetbag, a large wetbag and finishing the pillow for DH. Oh and maybe some bibs. And things to sell because extra money is definitely a necessity with a kid coming soon and student loan payments beginning up again. Being an adult is stressful. And my dog just let out a minute long fart next to my head, which means I need to move as fast as I can.
So let's focus on 44 days. 44 days and I *might* get my body back and a daughter to dress up for Halloween.
Today I had my first ever visit with a chiropractor. I have been having a lot of pain in my back (what's new, right preggers ladies?). Massages, heat, cold, tylenol, DO. None of it really helped, so I gave into my slight fear of being bent awkwardly and wrongly. The dude was really nice - I told him no snapping my neck. So he used what he called a "jackhammer" on it instead. There was a lot of cracking, popping and discomfort. Even though my body is overly tense, it doesn't like being forced into the correct joint holes. Either way, I walked in with a somewhat waddle and walked out with swinging hips - even 8 months knocked up.
We also put up our decal last night over the crib. Definitely more work than we anticipated, a few hours worth. Not ideal when one of the people is pregnant and can't stand up on a stool with her arms in the air for more than a few minutes. A frustrated husband wondering why I can't hold it up and that he can't put it up if I don't help him. And taking breaks to lay on the floor while the blood went back to my head. But eventually it all worked out (picture to be posted). It will go perfectly with the curtains that we picked out for her.
And in the best of news, I finally figured out why my MIL's sewing machine hated me. A smart person would have figured this out much much sooner. It is a Viking and with my machine, I can use generic size bobbins. Whatever, make it work. Viking's require custom sized bobbins. So my generic ones were getting trapped. Now I can sew and sew quickly and it works. Baby quilt almost done. Then onto a cute little dress, a travel wetbag, a large wetbag and finishing the pillow for DH. Oh and maybe some bibs. And things to sell because extra money is definitely a necessity with a kid coming soon and student loan payments beginning up again. Being an adult is stressful. And my dog just let out a minute long fart next to my head, which means I need to move as fast as I can.
So let's focus on 44 days. 44 days and I *might* get my body back and a daughter to dress up for Halloween.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Growing, growing, grown.
Magoo and I ended up in Labor & Delivery triage two weeks ago. The combination of my back curving inward along with my abs weakening from stretching out causes me a lot of back pain. And then I began having a lot of abdominal pain with inconsistent contractions while exerting myself. I called my doctor wanting to pee in a cup (possible uti) and be checked for BV again. Last time, my only symptom was abdominal pain. Next thing I know they are telling me to go to L&D for preterm labor. I thought it was completely unnecessary, but having never been in labor before couldn't really say no. Magoo hated, hated, hated the monitor and kept thrashing it. The tests came back negative, there were no contractions and we were free to leave. It turned out the front pain was due to round ligament stretching - Magoo hit a growth spurt and my body was being forced to grow bigger in ways it was fighting.
DH and I then had our baby shower that weekend, which went very well. Only 9 people showed up - kind of the perfect number. We could talk to everyone, hang out and not be overwhelmed. My SIL planned the event and got delicious finger foods, onesies that our friends painted and a balloon game where the guests had to shape balloons into the shape of a baby. She had them do that while we were opening gifts because she knows I don't like people staring at my constantly. It ended up being quite relaxing, intimate and fun. And of course, our family and friends were extremely generous and we are grateful for that. Magoo will not need an outfit for the first few months of her life!
We also were about to get the crib ordered and it arrived this past weekend. DH and I took about thirty minutes to put that together (a solid ten minutes of that was spent when DH lost the tool it came with to put it together). It is a massive, massive, beautiful crib. We hope it ends up being the right taste for Magoo or DH said we will take it to use as our bedframe! Through the generosity of our family, we also secured a top rated car seat and her mattress. Now just to finish the dresser and we can start cleaning clothes, unpacking and getting the nursery organized. I will be full term in a mere(ish) nine weeks and we have a lot to clean and organize before then! Only a full house worth :)
And I believe we are hitting another growth spurt again - the abdominal pain is back, Magoo is moving less and when she does move its much stronger. I can't even imagine what it feels like when she reaches full birthing weight!
DH and I then had our baby shower that weekend, which went very well. Only 9 people showed up - kind of the perfect number. We could talk to everyone, hang out and not be overwhelmed. My SIL planned the event and got delicious finger foods, onesies that our friends painted and a balloon game where the guests had to shape balloons into the shape of a baby. She had them do that while we were opening gifts because she knows I don't like people staring at my constantly. It ended up being quite relaxing, intimate and fun. And of course, our family and friends were extremely generous and we are grateful for that. Magoo will not need an outfit for the first few months of her life!
We also were about to get the crib ordered and it arrived this past weekend. DH and I took about thirty minutes to put that together (a solid ten minutes of that was spent when DH lost the tool it came with to put it together). It is a massive, massive, beautiful crib. We hope it ends up being the right taste for Magoo or DH said we will take it to use as our bedframe! Through the generosity of our family, we also secured a top rated car seat and her mattress. Now just to finish the dresser and we can start cleaning clothes, unpacking and getting the nursery organized. I will be full term in a mere(ish) nine weeks and we have a lot to clean and organize before then! Only a full house worth :)
And I believe we are hitting another growth spurt again - the abdominal pain is back, Magoo is moving less and when she does move its much stronger. I can't even imagine what it feels like when she reaches full birthing weight!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
98 Days and Counting.
We have finally hit the double digits. That means half a year has gone by that I have been pregnant - that is a long, long time and we still have a third of the way left. But at least it is getting closer, six months done. Three months to go.
Today, DH and I spent the day having doctors who wanted more skills in doing ultrasounds looking at our baby. It was a long five hours - and something I did not anticipate was that after pressing on my abdomen for so long, I would get nauseated and lightheaded. I only lasted through half of my first session, needed a five minute break in my second session and then was able to last through the entire last session after putting my old first trimester tricks into play.
Through these ultrasounds we learned we are definitely having a girl. There is no question it is all labia and no penis. She is measuring on average a week ahead (yay!), which means basically nothing but leaves me hopeful maybe she will want to arrive early. Her brain cysts have disappeared. She has the most beautiful cerebellum they have ever seen and they anticipate her having amazing balance. She is textbook perfect. Except for her kidneys. The kidneys were quickly glanced at and the supervising doctor pointed out he thought they looked slightly enlarged/filled/off (I can't remember his exact wording). And he noticed it in both kidneys. So that problem has not yet corrected itself. She still has sometime and we will go in for her official follow up this Friday. I don't anticipate it will be better after today, but we are hopeful that the measurements at least stayed the same as where they were before or have gotten better. A movement in the right direction.
Besides letting us see glimpses of Magoo, the ultrasound study also paid us (wohoo!), offered a lunch (DH got some pitas, I was so jealous. They did not have gluten free options). And gave us gift bags that included: a bib, washcloth, rubber duckie (we are up to 5 now), a few diapers and 4 bottles. Not bad for a day's work.
Tomorrow (Monday) my goal will be to find a chiropractor - my lower back hates hard. Even with a heating pad on, it still aches. And then only 4 more days until our next follow up ultrasound. This one we pay for, but I'm going to try to convince them how much a picture of her sweet face in 3D is needed. They showed us a 2D one yesterday and it looked like she had a wider nose and chubby cheeks, but then 2D can't register fat, only bone. So who really knows.
Today, DH and I spent the day having doctors who wanted more skills in doing ultrasounds looking at our baby. It was a long five hours - and something I did not anticipate was that after pressing on my abdomen for so long, I would get nauseated and lightheaded. I only lasted through half of my first session, needed a five minute break in my second session and then was able to last through the entire last session after putting my old first trimester tricks into play.
Through these ultrasounds we learned we are definitely having a girl. There is no question it is all labia and no penis. She is measuring on average a week ahead (yay!), which means basically nothing but leaves me hopeful maybe she will want to arrive early. Her brain cysts have disappeared. She has the most beautiful cerebellum they have ever seen and they anticipate her having amazing balance. She is textbook perfect. Except for her kidneys. The kidneys were quickly glanced at and the supervising doctor pointed out he thought they looked slightly enlarged/filled/off (I can't remember his exact wording). And he noticed it in both kidneys. So that problem has not yet corrected itself. She still has sometime and we will go in for her official follow up this Friday. I don't anticipate it will be better after today, but we are hopeful that the measurements at least stayed the same as where they were before or have gotten better. A movement in the right direction.
Besides letting us see glimpses of Magoo, the ultrasound study also paid us (wohoo!), offered a lunch (DH got some pitas, I was so jealous. They did not have gluten free options). And gave us gift bags that included: a bib, washcloth, rubber duckie (we are up to 5 now), a few diapers and 4 bottles. Not bad for a day's work.
Tomorrow (Monday) my goal will be to find a chiropractor - my lower back hates hard. Even with a heating pad on, it still aches. And then only 4 more days until our next follow up ultrasound. This one we pay for, but I'm going to try to convince them how much a picture of her sweet face in 3D is needed. They showed us a 2D one yesterday and it looked like she had a wider nose and chubby cheeks, but then 2D can't register fat, only bone. So who really knows.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
The Natural Side of Birth.
DH and I met with our doula a week and a half ago to ask questions, get to know each other, etc. We decided to hire and work with her, so I will meet with her again this Friday to sign contracts, hand over the first part of the payment, etc. I don't know why insurance wouldn't cover such things. She will massage my back to help ease my pain. Help me in warm bathes/showers for the same reasons. Keep me calm and breathing. She will tell people to stay out of my room, remind my doctors of my birth plan and tell anyone off that I ask her too. She is my advocate. She will tell DH to leave and get food, make sure I am eating and drinking fluids regardless of what the hospital wants. Having a doula, more than doubles my chances that I make it through birth naturally. It will be unlikely I will need intervention and that saves the insurance a lot of money. Because pitocin leads to too many contractions too close together - meaning you'll need an epidural. It also leads to problems in both the baby and mother. The epidural means you won't feel much and labor slows down, which can lead to more pitocin. In most cases you end up with a C-Section. So a few hundred dollars for the doula, saves my health and the insurance company's pocketbook. Needless to say, I think this is a really good choice for me. My doula also is a therapist who specializes in anxiety and depression, which will be extra handy in my case.
Yesterday, I hired my placenta encapsulationist (PE). Yes, Dad, get ready for some placenta baking in the house :). Ideally, my parents will be here when I give birth. This way, my placenta can go from my uterus into a clean bag into a cooler and my parents can bring it to the house. PE would then meet them there and get the placenta ready to be dehydrated and she will be there for a few hours prepping. The placenta stays that way overnight and PE returns in the morning to finish the process. Then I have pills to help prevent PPD/PPA, prevent anemia, process more milk and more energy among other things. She will also do placenta prints and make a tincture that will last for years. If I do end up needing surgery, she will make a salve to help the incision heal faster. This is again another expensive process, but again benefits outweigh the cost. If taking these pills keeps me from having PPD/PPA, then I save a lot of harmful, not fun emotion. I bond better with my child. I won't need therapy. I won't need months of pills prescribed by doctors that come with side effects and withdraw symptoms. If my parents are not here when labor starts, then I will probably need to bring the placenta home with me along with Magoo and PE will start the process at that point. While not a big deal, that means I will have a few days without the benefits instead of being able to start them right away. I suppose that is the problem with not being able to have someone housesit for a few hours for you. Though if DH's friend doesn't have to work those couple of days, I bet he would dig watching the process and talking to PE about it. So who knows.
Either way, I have my birth plan and people lined up. Luckily, DH fully supports that these are two things that are important to me to do, no matter how weird and creepy it is (let's not overthink the details here). So we are saving money and I already feel calmer having my people picked out. Now to find out if my pelvis wants to cooperate with me.
Yesterday, I hired my placenta encapsulationist (PE). Yes, Dad, get ready for some placenta baking in the house :). Ideally, my parents will be here when I give birth. This way, my placenta can go from my uterus into a clean bag into a cooler and my parents can bring it to the house. PE would then meet them there and get the placenta ready to be dehydrated and she will be there for a few hours prepping. The placenta stays that way overnight and PE returns in the morning to finish the process. Then I have pills to help prevent PPD/PPA, prevent anemia, process more milk and more energy among other things. She will also do placenta prints and make a tincture that will last for years. If I do end up needing surgery, she will make a salve to help the incision heal faster. This is again another expensive process, but again benefits outweigh the cost. If taking these pills keeps me from having PPD/PPA, then I save a lot of harmful, not fun emotion. I bond better with my child. I won't need therapy. I won't need months of pills prescribed by doctors that come with side effects and withdraw symptoms. If my parents are not here when labor starts, then I will probably need to bring the placenta home with me along with Magoo and PE will start the process at that point. While not a big deal, that means I will have a few days without the benefits instead of being able to start them right away. I suppose that is the problem with not being able to have someone housesit for a few hours for you. Though if DH's friend doesn't have to work those couple of days, I bet he would dig watching the process and talking to PE about it. So who knows.
Either way, I have my birth plan and people lined up. Luckily, DH fully supports that these are two things that are important to me to do, no matter how weird and creepy it is (let's not overthink the details here). So we are saving money and I already feel calmer having my people picked out. Now to find out if my pelvis wants to cooperate with me.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Why, Hello There.
Somehow the past two weeks have actually gone by quickly. Perhaps it was DH being off of work or the two lovely newlyweds in town for a brief visit. Or maybe it was watching my belly button begin to, well, look more and more like a button. That's right, my innie is slowly working its way to become an outie. Right now its just the top that protrudes and I like to say to DH, "hey, hey, look at this," while pointing to the belly. Inhale, belly pops out. Exhale, belly sinks in. Continue to do until DH nervously laughs and says, "that's just weird."
And it is weird. Everything about pregnancy is weird. The fact that I am a full seven days constipated (tmi, I know). The fact that my stomach is huge. That a little person is kicking my ribs and punching my bladder. Right now, I am counting down to Saturday when we have another ultrasound. We haven't seen Magoo in almost 6 weeks. Then a few days after that, two more of my favorite people are visiting and we have our baby shower. And our follow up ultrasound to make sure Magoo's brain, kidney and thyroid are all on target.
I started prenatal yoga a few weeks ago and man, let's just say I inherited my father's ability for flexibility. Luckily, my doctors are more concerned that I am able to correctly breathe and could care less if I can do the poses. Breathing, yes, I can do that. One of my main goals with yoga was not only to find calmness, but to meet other pregnant ladies. While I have done that, we speak for about fifteen seconds each answering whatever question. It isn't really the bonding time I was hoping for. And the ladies don't seem to want to talk to me prior to class and everyone rushes out afterward. So maybe not the social hot spot, but I suppose there are more important things to get out of the class.
All in all, I think I am finally coming into being okay with the pregnancy and what is happening with my body - mentally and physically. I still have a little anxiety here and there - but who wouldn't? It is a major life change that nobody has any control over and feels different pregnancy to pregnancy. It's realistically a little scary if you think about it too much. So I am trying to stay busy, which is good, because that means time passes faster. Only a few more weeks until 30 weeks and from there only 7 more weeks until full term. Its almost palpable. Almost.
And it is weird. Everything about pregnancy is weird. The fact that I am a full seven days constipated (tmi, I know). The fact that my stomach is huge. That a little person is kicking my ribs and punching my bladder. Right now, I am counting down to Saturday when we have another ultrasound. We haven't seen Magoo in almost 6 weeks. Then a few days after that, two more of my favorite people are visiting and we have our baby shower. And our follow up ultrasound to make sure Magoo's brain, kidney and thyroid are all on target.
I started prenatal yoga a few weeks ago and man, let's just say I inherited my father's ability for flexibility. Luckily, my doctors are more concerned that I am able to correctly breathe and could care less if I can do the poses. Breathing, yes, I can do that. One of my main goals with yoga was not only to find calmness, but to meet other pregnant ladies. While I have done that, we speak for about fifteen seconds each answering whatever question. It isn't really the bonding time I was hoping for. And the ladies don't seem to want to talk to me prior to class and everyone rushes out afterward. So maybe not the social hot spot, but I suppose there are more important things to get out of the class.
All in all, I think I am finally coming into being okay with the pregnancy and what is happening with my body - mentally and physically. I still have a little anxiety here and there - but who wouldn't? It is a major life change that nobody has any control over and feels different pregnancy to pregnancy. It's realistically a little scary if you think about it too much. So I am trying to stay busy, which is good, because that means time passes faster. Only a few more weeks until 30 weeks and from there only 7 more weeks until full term. Its almost palpable. Almost.
Friday, July 20, 2012
A Few Weeks Late.
So I didn't forget to post for a month, I did think about posting. Now here I am. We had our anatomy scan and just like I thought, we are having a girl! Very exciting for DH and I (and our course our families). But since we told the gender to our families (DH had to), we opted not to decide on a name until birth or tell anyone options until it is decided. Apparently when you become pregnant, the world thinks its their baby. I refuse to let anyone think that or get away with thinking that around me. At the end of the day, not only is this DH's and my baby, but more than that its still my body. And only my body. Nobody has any ownership of that. I'm lately irritated by a family member calling her MY baby (not as in mine, as in her's). I didn't know she was knocked up, too, but she better be. Because I am not sharing. What has become important in this past month is finding my voice and letting everyone - DH included - where I am willing to negotiate with my children. DH and I compromise and everyone else either accepts, agrees and is happy with it or doesn't. That has begun as DH and I work out details of Magoo's first months, holidays, etc.
In poor news, we will need to go back for a follow up ultrasound. She has a kidney that is backed up as well as cysts on the brain. We believe everything will fix itself, but if not, she may need surgery 72 hours after birth to help correct the problems. It could also signify Down's Syndrome, though the doctor thinks that is unlikely based on how her body is formed and her movements. Either way, I declined an amnio because perfect baby, chronic problem baby or Down's Syndrom baby, I wouldn't handle the pregnancy any differently than I am now.
For now we are getting things ready for Magoo, including the nursery. And the house. Having our baby shower in a month. Mostly enjoying her squirminess and kicking. Hating the back pain and counting down the months. One more week and we will be out of month six and onto month seven. Time needs to speed up!
In poor news, we will need to go back for a follow up ultrasound. She has a kidney that is backed up as well as cysts on the brain. We believe everything will fix itself, but if not, she may need surgery 72 hours after birth to help correct the problems. It could also signify Down's Syndrome, though the doctor thinks that is unlikely based on how her body is formed and her movements. Either way, I declined an amnio because perfect baby, chronic problem baby or Down's Syndrom baby, I wouldn't handle the pregnancy any differently than I am now.
For now we are getting things ready for Magoo, including the nursery. And the house. Having our baby shower in a month. Mostly enjoying her squirminess and kicking. Hating the back pain and counting down the months. One more week and we will be out of month six and onto month seven. Time needs to speed up!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
The Night Before the Day.
Tomorrow is the big day: anatomy scan and 20w prenatal appointment. The biggest thing will be to find out we have a healthy baby on our hands - and then, if Magoo isn't modest, the gender. Then it will be onto my appointment where I can discuss my thyroid issues and how Magoo may be affected, find out if my thyroid is high and ask a bunch of other questions. It will end with DH getting his tetanus and whooping cough vaccine since he doesn't know when/if he has had either. Magoo will be born during the sickest time of the year with an immune system that will need time to strengthen (or, if like me, we will need time to find out if the baby will even have one). Because of this, I plan on baby-wearing a lot so that other people cannot sneeze, cough or get any other germs or their grimy yucky hands on my baby. I know that probably sounds rude and selfish and everyone wants the opportunity to hold the new baby. But not only do I want Magoo to have the chance to get strong to fight disease and start receiving vaccines (which won't be at 8 weeks and we will probably delay some so there are 8 different diseases pumped in there at once since many kids have reactions) and quite frankly, I am also extremely susceptible to getting sick as well and I don't want to be sick (plus then baby probably would get sick since I have every intention to breastfeed if it works out). So selfish, yes. I am not even sure what DH will say (we haven't discussed it yet). But at the end of the day, I am the mother and you are lucky I will even bring my baby over to your overcrowded, kid filled house (namely I am thinking of any family get together where all my school going nephews will be, including Christmas). I don't find the slight overprotectiveness should be a problem, I guess.
I have started having migraines again, so tomorrow my doctor will prescribe a pregnancy safe migraine medication for me. I was told earlier Vicodin was okay if not taken regularly, but apparently that may no longer be the case. I'm not sure what I will be able to take because I know the majority of them are related to a drug I have an intense reaction to and would never never take again.
DH also finally had his lunch interview with a company today. I don't think the job is as creative or exciting as he would want - it would be what he is doing now for a different company. But it would be stable and I think since they are an advertising company, there may be some variation in there that he doesn't have now. So he would at least like it, which is important. But we won't find out for a few days.
So keep your fingers crossed, knock on wood, make your puppy cross their toes, whatever it is you do for good luck, do it with us in mind please! Tomorrow is such a big day, healthy baby and maybe employment. No maybe's, definitely's. This week was meant to be good.
I have started having migraines again, so tomorrow my doctor will prescribe a pregnancy safe migraine medication for me. I was told earlier Vicodin was okay if not taken regularly, but apparently that may no longer be the case. I'm not sure what I will be able to take because I know the majority of them are related to a drug I have an intense reaction to and would never never take again.
DH also finally had his lunch interview with a company today. I don't think the job is as creative or exciting as he would want - it would be what he is doing now for a different company. But it would be stable and I think since they are an advertising company, there may be some variation in there that he doesn't have now. So he would at least like it, which is important. But we won't find out for a few days.
So keep your fingers crossed, knock on wood, make your puppy cross their toes, whatever it is you do for good luck, do it with us in mind please! Tomorrow is such a big day, healthy baby and maybe employment. No maybe's, definitely's. This week was meant to be good.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Old Wives Tales
I haven't believed any. How you carry, how bad your morning sickness is, peeing in baking soda, on cabbage or whatever other silly methods people have. Of course some people think they are completely right - but they are 50% of the time. That is a pretty good statistic! The one I did do was the ring test. I placed my wedding ring on some yarn and held it over my stomach. Actually DH did it the first time, weeks ago and the ring went in circles: Girl.
I tried again today and it was half circles, half diagonal line. To me that says: Boy.
I also tried holding it over my wrist. In this method you leave it there until it completely stops moving. It supposedly tells you every gender of your kids you will have (these do include miscarriages). I did this twice as well. Circle, line line: Girl, boy, boy. Time two: Line, Line: Boy, Boy.
So really, one way or another this test will be correct. My intuition used to tell me Girl, all the way girl. But I also grew up believing I would never have a boy. So I am sure that helped my influence. Lately, I've been feeling it is a boy. But lately, I am also tired of everyone automatically calling Magoo a girl or pressuring me for a girl. So I have hope it is a boy so everyone else can experience gender disappointment and deserve it. Maybe I actually just don't have any gender intuition at all and it is just swayed by what I am thinking in the moment. We'll find out in T-12 days.
I tried again today and it was half circles, half diagonal line. To me that says: Boy.
I also tried holding it over my wrist. In this method you leave it there until it completely stops moving. It supposedly tells you every gender of your kids you will have (these do include miscarriages). I did this twice as well. Circle, line line: Girl, boy, boy. Time two: Line, Line: Boy, Boy.
So really, one way or another this test will be correct. My intuition used to tell me Girl, all the way girl. But I also grew up believing I would never have a boy. So I am sure that helped my influence. Lately, I've been feeling it is a boy. But lately, I am also tired of everyone automatically calling Magoo a girl or pressuring me for a girl. So I have hope it is a boy so everyone else can experience gender disappointment and deserve it. Maybe I actually just don't have any gender intuition at all and it is just swayed by what I am thinking in the moment. We'll find out in T-12 days.
Getting Things Together.
DH and I have scheduled a meeting with our possible doulas. We finally received our bassinet after a lot of hassle and put it together. It is actually even cuter in person than the pictures showed and one of the top rated for safety. The biggest plus is that it recognizes when the baby starts crying and automatically starts vibrating - a soothing movement that can put baby back to sleep. We have one more order to place and all of our diapers will be ordered. We will end up with 5 different brands because you never know what will work for what child, but I think we will be pretty good based off of reviews and talking to other cloth diapering momma's. This means for about $220 we will have all the diapers we need while Magoo needs diapers. And while Magoo's siblings need diapers, etc. You really can't beat that.
After this order, DH and I will not be ordering or buying anything else so we can see what will happen at our baby shower. It is completely possible (and we are hopeful!) that we won't really need to buy anything else. We've been getting a lot of help getting the things we need thus far, mostly things that other people wouldn't be able to get us - like the cloth diapers. A free changing table my MIL got. I did purchase a Spiderman bamboo diaper that I know will be DH's go to diaper and a onesie for him that says "My Dad Dresses Me" with a picture of Darth Vader.
Our anatomy scan is in 2 weeks, it still seems so far away and a lot of people are finding out there are problems with their babies at this scan so it is a little stressful to wait. There are people who are finding out their babies will die soon because of problems like tumors in bad places, heart defects or intestines not forming correctly. Or that the baby actually died a couple weeks before they even had their scan. And they just have to wait to go into labor because its too late to do it any other way. My biggest concerns are that I have low amniotic fluid or am leaking amniotic fluid (mostly because there is no real way to know on either one without a professional checking you out). But I also feel like everything probably is okay and I am just worrying because that is what pregnant women do.
Other than that, Magoo has started moving around a lot more. I often feel like there is a heavy stone in my abdomen and it is the baby doing something. There are kicks and/or punches. I got a little anxious once, my adrenaline went up and Magoo was either partying with it or telling me to knock it off! Last night I finally was able to get DH to stay up late enough to try to feel the kicking. He put his hand there and thought maybe he felt it and said, "let me try to hear." I have no idea what he thought he would hear, but he put his head down and then said, "C'mon baby! Kick your Daddy in the head!" This did not occur. But afterward DH placed his hand once more and was able to finally feel two solid kicks. I can't imagine what they will feel like when baby is stronger!
After this order, DH and I will not be ordering or buying anything else so we can see what will happen at our baby shower. It is completely possible (and we are hopeful!) that we won't really need to buy anything else. We've been getting a lot of help getting the things we need thus far, mostly things that other people wouldn't be able to get us - like the cloth diapers. A free changing table my MIL got. I did purchase a Spiderman bamboo diaper that I know will be DH's go to diaper and a onesie for him that says "My Dad Dresses Me" with a picture of Darth Vader.
Our anatomy scan is in 2 weeks, it still seems so far away and a lot of people are finding out there are problems with their babies at this scan so it is a little stressful to wait. There are people who are finding out their babies will die soon because of problems like tumors in bad places, heart defects or intestines not forming correctly. Or that the baby actually died a couple weeks before they even had their scan. And they just have to wait to go into labor because its too late to do it any other way. My biggest concerns are that I have low amniotic fluid or am leaking amniotic fluid (mostly because there is no real way to know on either one without a professional checking you out). But I also feel like everything probably is okay and I am just worrying because that is what pregnant women do.
Other than that, Magoo has started moving around a lot more. I often feel like there is a heavy stone in my abdomen and it is the baby doing something. There are kicks and/or punches. I got a little anxious once, my adrenaline went up and Magoo was either partying with it or telling me to knock it off! Last night I finally was able to get DH to stay up late enough to try to feel the kicking. He put his hand there and thought maybe he felt it and said, "let me try to hear." I have no idea what he thought he would hear, but he put his head down and then said, "C'mon baby! Kick your Daddy in the head!" This did not occur. But afterward DH placed his hand once more and was able to finally feel two solid kicks. I can't imagine what they will feel like when baby is stronger!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
High-Risk Pregnancy
I knew having thyroid problems could cause issues during the pregnancy - for both me and the baby. What I didn't know was that because I have Graves Disease treated with Iodine Nuclear Radiation, that actually makes this and every pregnancy I have high-risk. Even though I no longer have a thyroid, the TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) receptor can still be in my blood and travel through the placenta to Magoo. This would cause Magoo to become hyperthyroid as well. If not well monitored or diagnosed late, it almost always ends with a stillborn birth. Thyroid problems can also cause the baby to have significant heart defects and a large thyroid goiter - which can result in the baby suffocating. Besides being scary knowing most of my problems come later in the pregnancy and not early on like most people, I also am not sure why I wasn't told about this earlier. I supposed at this point there is nothing that they can do. From what I researched (yikes! I know, stay away from google, but I'm getting much better at keeping the information realistic instead of scary), after my 20 week anatomy scan I will need an ultrasound scan every 4 weeks until 32 weeks and then either weekly or bi-weekly to continuously monitor the heart and thyroid. If there will be a goiter, it is usually found at 32 weeks. This could mean I would need to be induced to go into an early labor if, and by if I do mean if, a problem arises. If Magoo is found to have any problems besides inducing early they could: adjust my thyroid medication, insert a needle through my abdomen into the baby to get a blood test and then insert liquid medication directly to the baby. The invasive testing obviously could cause other problems on its own. I do have to say, when I was 15 and getting the radiation, I don't recall the doctor ever telling me it could cause problems with fertility or pregnancy or the chance that it could cause my child lifelong problems. It seems like that should have been information I should have been given. Granted, I was 15 and not sure how it would have affected my decision because all I could think about was that I was about to get really fat. But at least I would have had the information to make the decision and before getting pregnant I would have known the questions to ask, who to ask and what to be ready for. Now in a few more weeks when I go in for my 20 week check-up, you can bet my doctor will be getting slammed with a lot of questions!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Don't Vomit Yet.
I wanted to say barf or puke, but I always remember my fourth grade teaching telling me, "Stacy, please say vomit. Those other words aren't nice." I hate being corrected and thus is has always been vomit. Is it really a nicer word?
Anyways, I have heard from both a placenta encapsulation team and a possible doula team. Because we will be jobless in a short month, both parties are willing to work with us pro-bono or very low cost. We will meet with the doulas in July because one is getting married and can't meet prior to that (really that is pretty near). Both are trained and one of them is also a therapist who works with anxiety/depression. The other is kooky, high-energy seeming, which I think both could be quite good fits for what I will need. And I'm looking forward to having someone naturally help my pain.
The placenta team would require that I (or someone at my house), bring my placenta home. Then they come over and prepare it one day, let it dry overnight and then encapsulate it the next day. It seems interesting and one of them said she noticed a major difference between her two births in terms of depression/anxiety. But who is to say without the placenta she would have even had it as badly this time. Each pregnancy is different. I will not be eating the placenta raw or in a smoothie because you can still taste things in smoothies. Plus the advantage of the encapsulation is that you get a little bit each day and taper off - so there isn't a rush of hormones after pregnancy, then built back up by the placenta, then falling off again. That is why post partum problems happen, because it is so abrupt. The other advantage of the encapsulation is that I could be at home with my father while they chop up the placenta in the kitchen, possibly at the same time he may want to make a sandwich. I like watching people grossed out and it keeps me from being grossed out.
In other Magoo news, we had our 16 week check-up, though it was really a 17w. Everything seems to be going well, the heartbeat was (let's be cliche) galloping away at a lovely and strong 146bmp. We've scheduled our anatomy scan and our 20 week check up. The half way point is in sight. Over this weekend my stomach went from bloppy to firm. I now have a hard baby bump, baby means business. I am also feeling small kicks, especially at night when I lay down and Magoo wakes up. It isn't anything that could keep you awake yet, but like little taps from the inside. They are not consistent yet (I felt nothing yesterday) and one this morning when I got up. But Magoo is still there. Tomorrow I visit my endocrinologist to see if my thyroid has yet evened out, I go to a normal ob the following week and then the week after that is my 20w check up. I am hoping it all goes by quickly.
And stay tuned. A geeky baby shop is coming your way shortly and I will need people to make purchases, crafting can be income. Especially when you hit the masses most people ignore: geeks and nerds. Ah yes.
Anyways, I have heard from both a placenta encapsulation team and a possible doula team. Because we will be jobless in a short month, both parties are willing to work with us pro-bono or very low cost. We will meet with the doulas in July because one is getting married and can't meet prior to that (really that is pretty near). Both are trained and one of them is also a therapist who works with anxiety/depression. The other is kooky, high-energy seeming, which I think both could be quite good fits for what I will need. And I'm looking forward to having someone naturally help my pain.
The placenta team would require that I (or someone at my house), bring my placenta home. Then they come over and prepare it one day, let it dry overnight and then encapsulate it the next day. It seems interesting and one of them said she noticed a major difference between her two births in terms of depression/anxiety. But who is to say without the placenta she would have even had it as badly this time. Each pregnancy is different. I will not be eating the placenta raw or in a smoothie because you can still taste things in smoothies. Plus the advantage of the encapsulation is that you get a little bit each day and taper off - so there isn't a rush of hormones after pregnancy, then built back up by the placenta, then falling off again. That is why post partum problems happen, because it is so abrupt. The other advantage of the encapsulation is that I could be at home with my father while they chop up the placenta in the kitchen, possibly at the same time he may want to make a sandwich. I like watching people grossed out and it keeps me from being grossed out.
In other Magoo news, we had our 16 week check-up, though it was really a 17w. Everything seems to be going well, the heartbeat was (let's be cliche) galloping away at a lovely and strong 146bmp. We've scheduled our anatomy scan and our 20 week check up. The half way point is in sight. Over this weekend my stomach went from bloppy to firm. I now have a hard baby bump, baby means business. I am also feeling small kicks, especially at night when I lay down and Magoo wakes up. It isn't anything that could keep you awake yet, but like little taps from the inside. They are not consistent yet (I felt nothing yesterday) and one this morning when I got up. But Magoo is still there. Tomorrow I visit my endocrinologist to see if my thyroid has yet evened out, I go to a normal ob the following week and then the week after that is my 20w check up. I am hoping it all goes by quickly.
And stay tuned. A geeky baby shop is coming your way shortly and I will need people to make purchases, crafting can be income. Especially when you hit the masses most people ignore: geeks and nerds. Ah yes.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
A Little Out There.
I have been thinking about having a doula at my birth. They specialize in ensuring your birth plan is followed as medically safe and massage your back or other points to help with pain management. I intend to try a natural birth, with IV pain meds at most because I'm terrified of the epidural. It can have terrible consequences on both the mother and child, plus who wants a giant needle shoved in their spine? Not this Momma. So having the doula could be extremely helpful. The problem is - insurance doesn't cover them and their services are not cheap ($500 is cheap). Just this minute, I found out that the hospital I will be birthing at has volunteer doulas available for any mother - if you go into labor on a weekend, hahaha. So, uh, Magoo, you want to try to time this birth from a Friday to Sunday please and thank you:)
Even further out there: placenta encapsulation. Also not cheap at $150, but I asked to be put on a sliding scale unless DH or I get a job and can afford the full price. What this entails is saving the placenta. I am asking for delayed cord clamping so the baby is born with all of the necessary blood - immediately clamping cuts off up to 50% of the baby's blood supply. Then the placenta is taken to a specialist who will dehydrate it, cut it up, mix it with herbs and shove it into capsules. I take a few a day and work my way down to one a day. Kind of disgusting, right? Ingesting your own organ. Some people just eat the damn thing raw. Ick. No thank you, just having to swallow the pill will be disgusting.
Why do this? Well it is proven to have a lot of benefits. Keeping your milk supply up, causing post partum bleeding to significantly lessen, boost your immunity, etc. The most important thing for me however, is that it is proven to reduce your chances for post partum depression/anxiety. As someone already diagnosed with generalized anxiety and only a few points away from meeting requirements of where they would be worried about me (in terms of pregnancy and anxiety problems), I run a high risk of post partum anxiety. If sucking it up and taking a few pills of placenta a day will keep me mentally healthy so I can maintain physically/emotionally stable relationships with myself, my new child and my husband, well I will do that. I've been so deep in anxiety/panic, I can't possibly imagine falling any lower and living through it. Maybe even thinking this can help will make a difference even if it actually doesn't. But somehow I will find the money to be able to eat my placenta. I have been on a low for a long time and I refuse to stay there.
This is me saying, yes.
Even further out there: placenta encapsulation. Also not cheap at $150, but I asked to be put on a sliding scale unless DH or I get a job and can afford the full price. What this entails is saving the placenta. I am asking for delayed cord clamping so the baby is born with all of the necessary blood - immediately clamping cuts off up to 50% of the baby's blood supply. Then the placenta is taken to a specialist who will dehydrate it, cut it up, mix it with herbs and shove it into capsules. I take a few a day and work my way down to one a day. Kind of disgusting, right? Ingesting your own organ. Some people just eat the damn thing raw. Ick. No thank you, just having to swallow the pill will be disgusting.
Why do this? Well it is proven to have a lot of benefits. Keeping your milk supply up, causing post partum bleeding to significantly lessen, boost your immunity, etc. The most important thing for me however, is that it is proven to reduce your chances for post partum depression/anxiety. As someone already diagnosed with generalized anxiety and only a few points away from meeting requirements of where they would be worried about me (in terms of pregnancy and anxiety problems), I run a high risk of post partum anxiety. If sucking it up and taking a few pills of placenta a day will keep me mentally healthy so I can maintain physically/emotionally stable relationships with myself, my new child and my husband, well I will do that. I've been so deep in anxiety/panic, I can't possibly imagine falling any lower and living through it. Maybe even thinking this can help will make a difference even if it actually doesn't. But somehow I will find the money to be able to eat my placenta. I have been on a low for a long time and I refuse to stay there.
This is me saying, yes.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
A Long Time Coming.
It has been almost three weeks since my last post, I sincerely apologize for my laziness. My goal is to write at least twice a week (let's see how that goes!). I have been having a difficult month and not really acknowledging it, but rather being overtaken by the emotions of it. My anger was extremely overbearing the last three weeks with a little depression added in for flavor. I'm sure many of you probably noticed it in my posts thus far, they aren't the most uplifting. Friday, my therapist told me, "Stacy, you are suffering. I can see you are really suffering. What else has to go wrong for you to change?" I told her maybe the house collapsing, but then took that back because I would take that as a good thing (hahaha, but true). I didn't know. I got home, worked out and then the irony hit. DH got off of worked and came home to tell me he lost his job. We had until the end of May. This came as a shock to both of us because it wasn't what we were being told would happen by his superiors, in fact it was never even seen as an option by them. So we have a house, bills, animals, baby, cancer-ridden FIL and soon to have no income or health care. Yikes. That was what else had to go wrong. We researched how to get health care for me, food stamps, WIC, etc so that we could at least afford the pregnancy. I called doctor's offices and labs to find out how much things cost without insurance. We both started applying to jobs. Then Chris got a 6 week extension, so now we have until July 12th. Not perfect, but much better. We have time to save a few dollars, get through Magoo's anatomy scan and find jobs that will line up with when we need the money. Still stressful, but the bomb isn't ticking yet. I guess this isn't a post just about Magoo (who as far as we know is doing swimmingly in my uterus), but to keep your fingers crossed and your prayers open that we will piece this together. Perhaps for the first time in three years, DH and I can have a piece of stability.
Friday, May 4, 2012
A Few Things for Magoo.
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| It's a puppy and a blanket. |
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| The diaper bag (the other side has pockets). |
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| Frog sleeping sack? Yes, Please! |
A Week Later.
It has now been a week, a very very busy week, since moving into our first house. Unfortunately, Mom-to-Be (though I think such a thing doesn't exist, you are a mom from the moment you take on the task of being pregnant) didn't plan well. I didn't set aside enough food and I definitely did not set aside enough liquids. After our first load, we bought pizza for all the helpers and I scarfed down THREE pieces! I usually have trouble finishing one. And it was so greasy, the first slice, the grease dripped all over my hands, my dress and my pants. Yuck.
So the move happened. We still aren't out of our apartment and need to pay bills in two separate places. Stressful. And rebuild our savings. Because I got a little dehydrated and stressed (I don't adapt quickly or gracefully), my morning sickness came back fiercely. My in-laws came over to see the house Sunday night - and the washer/dryer they bought us - and brought over dinner for all of us. Very sweet of them. I didn't eat their dinner because it contained rice (note earlier post). I did however have a lot of vomit later that night. This will be TMI for many people, but I find it funny. My vomit consisted of soup, milkshake and gatorade and somehow was strangely thick. I hadn't finished my soup so DH had dumped it in the sink (forgetting we don't have a garbage disposal perhaps?) Needless to say, I throw up in trash cans and sinks - the thought of having my head in a toilet disgusts me enough to maintain throwing up non-stop. So he dumped thick vomit on the noodles, which of course plugged up the sink. And it was a lot of vomit. I gathered myself and offered to stick my hands in there to unplug, but DH put on a pair of latex gloves and did the dirty work while completely grossing himself out. It was hilarious. End of TMI.
I spent the next few days after the move barely moving from bed to couch. Trying to drink enough fluids and eat enough food. Wednesday, I had blood drawn and my thyroid was very high so my prescription was lowered. I also brought back some items from the apartment, got a package of super cute baby things (I will post pictures in a few minutes), and apparently pulled/tore a muscle in my leg because all the inactivity from hemorrhages and nausea made my muscles that weak. I know this because Thursday, I called to ask if consistant calf pain in one calf was normal in pregnancy because I was limping a little. Needless to say, I immediately had to go to the doctor, which turned into an immediate send to the hospital for a doppler on my leg to make sure there were no blood clots. Family history, pregnancy and a blood clot in my uterus put me at higher risk. But there was no blood clot. It is something with my muscle. Now I go back in on Monday to go over some blood test results that were off and have my 12 week follow up.
That's right I am TWELVE weeks (well I will be in 2 hours)! One more week and my first trimester is over. A third of the way done. Even better, we had our NT scan this morning as well. I heard from a girl yesterday who had a clot in her uterus like mine, we were two of the only ones not to bleed. She lost her baby because the placenta couldn't attach through the bleed. Needless to say, not what I needed to hear. Our genetic counselor was very lovely and told us she thought we had normal family history and nothing to worry about. Then the ultrasound. The wand went down, I saw my baby and she didn't move! I freaked out a little and then realized it was how the wand was being held, phew. Because Magoo thinks she is a rock star. The tech and the doctor had trouble getting good pictures because she moved WAY too much. Steady heart rate of 161. I could see the heart pumping in her chest, her bladder was empty (which means she recently peed into me), her brain was developed. The doctor said she looked as normal as normal could get. I also had to give blood and should get the results of that soon, which will tell me the statistical risk factors for different genetic problems that may arise. All-in-all it was a fairly good day. I just finished my jamba juice, we have a working washer and dryer. We have new locks on our doors and a stove coming on Tuesday (ugh - the previous owners did NOT care for their appliances in any form at all and some, like the stove, was left in basic non-working condition. Something we did not anticipate or would have been asked for some money back). Tonight DH is making me ham, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob and gravy. Sounds freaking delicious, but with the rate my stomach is two bites in I'll be full!
I have twelve more ounces of fluid I need to drink, a full bladder and we are waking up to see The Avengers hoping the theatre will be less crowded (for me, DH could care less). Then a weekend to unpack. I actually emptied a suitcase today. That is a big wow:)
So the move happened. We still aren't out of our apartment and need to pay bills in two separate places. Stressful. And rebuild our savings. Because I got a little dehydrated and stressed (I don't adapt quickly or gracefully), my morning sickness came back fiercely. My in-laws came over to see the house Sunday night - and the washer/dryer they bought us - and brought over dinner for all of us. Very sweet of them. I didn't eat their dinner because it contained rice (note earlier post). I did however have a lot of vomit later that night. This will be TMI for many people, but I find it funny. My vomit consisted of soup, milkshake and gatorade and somehow was strangely thick. I hadn't finished my soup so DH had dumped it in the sink (forgetting we don't have a garbage disposal perhaps?) Needless to say, I throw up in trash cans and sinks - the thought of having my head in a toilet disgusts me enough to maintain throwing up non-stop. So he dumped thick vomit on the noodles, which of course plugged up the sink. And it was a lot of vomit. I gathered myself and offered to stick my hands in there to unplug, but DH put on a pair of latex gloves and did the dirty work while completely grossing himself out. It was hilarious. End of TMI.
I spent the next few days after the move barely moving from bed to couch. Trying to drink enough fluids and eat enough food. Wednesday, I had blood drawn and my thyroid was very high so my prescription was lowered. I also brought back some items from the apartment, got a package of super cute baby things (I will post pictures in a few minutes), and apparently pulled/tore a muscle in my leg because all the inactivity from hemorrhages and nausea made my muscles that weak. I know this because Thursday, I called to ask if consistant calf pain in one calf was normal in pregnancy because I was limping a little. Needless to say, I immediately had to go to the doctor, which turned into an immediate send to the hospital for a doppler on my leg to make sure there were no blood clots. Family history, pregnancy and a blood clot in my uterus put me at higher risk. But there was no blood clot. It is something with my muscle. Now I go back in on Monday to go over some blood test results that were off and have my 12 week follow up.
That's right I am TWELVE weeks (well I will be in 2 hours)! One more week and my first trimester is over. A third of the way done. Even better, we had our NT scan this morning as well. I heard from a girl yesterday who had a clot in her uterus like mine, we were two of the only ones not to bleed. She lost her baby because the placenta couldn't attach through the bleed. Needless to say, not what I needed to hear. Our genetic counselor was very lovely and told us she thought we had normal family history and nothing to worry about. Then the ultrasound. The wand went down, I saw my baby and she didn't move! I freaked out a little and then realized it was how the wand was being held, phew. Because Magoo thinks she is a rock star. The tech and the doctor had trouble getting good pictures because she moved WAY too much. Steady heart rate of 161. I could see the heart pumping in her chest, her bladder was empty (which means she recently peed into me), her brain was developed. The doctor said she looked as normal as normal could get. I also had to give blood and should get the results of that soon, which will tell me the statistical risk factors for different genetic problems that may arise. All-in-all it was a fairly good day. I just finished my jamba juice, we have a working washer and dryer. We have new locks on our doors and a stove coming on Tuesday (ugh - the previous owners did NOT care for their appliances in any form at all and some, like the stove, was left in basic non-working condition. Something we did not anticipate or would have been asked for some money back). Tonight DH is making me ham, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob and gravy. Sounds freaking delicious, but with the rate my stomach is two bites in I'll be full!
I have twelve more ounces of fluid I need to drink, a full bladder and we are waking up to see The Avengers hoping the theatre will be less crowded (for me, DH could care less). Then a weekend to unpack. I actually emptied a suitcase today. That is a big wow:)
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Growing.
I know it has been a long time since I posted (sorry!). The pregnancy is still a pregnancy: hormonal, trying to eat, trying to drink, trying not to throw up. You know, the usual. On a random note, my boobs are huge. I switched to sports bras quite awhile ago because mine quickly stopped fitting and I am not going to spend money for new ones when every week they seem to go up a cup. It is ridiculous. This better be one hungry baby.
I did call my doctor's office to tell them drinking 60+oz of fluid a day was just not going to happen. It has nothing to do with nausea or vomiting and everything to do with the fact I just cannot fit that kind of liquid into my body. Every time I have hit 60oz, I ended up throwing at least 20oz back up (along with all the food I ate that day of course). They told me maybe I just don't need as much fluid to stay hydrated, but don't want to put me on a weekly IV yet because that ups my risk of catching something. So I keep trying.
In big news, DH and I, tomorrow, will be official homeowners. Like for real we will almost own a house - after we pay off the mortgage. That's really why we got preggers, to sell the first kid off in return for the house (joking, joking). We are (DH is) trying to pack and work full time and go to school. I feel really accomplished if I pack two boxes a day. Today, I went to the store to schedule our washer/dryer delivery (thank you in-laws!), and packed up my entire closet and nightstand. I literally have to take a solid 15+ minute rest in between each box because it is exhausting. So trying to pack is really stressful. I can't lift heavy things and we have about 10 people coming over Saturday to help with the move. This means it should go quickly and I will probably be shoving the last bits of crap into boxes while they move out what is packed. Then I can just take a nap on the floor at the house while they bring stuff in.
Tomorrow, DH gets the keys and comes to pick me up. From that point we have to go clean the house. We thought in good etiquette, the previous owners would clean. But, uh, yeah. The microwave is so astoundingly disgusting we may go buy a new one. I am pretty sure they put some sort of animal in there and it exploded and then dripped down allllll over the stovetop. It smells that way and its kind of an old brownish-orange color. DH will be taking on that one or I'll just keep voming on top of it. The floors need to be cleaned, the bathroom needs to be cleaned. We'll need to finish packing. DH probably won't sleep so he can finish that up because it will be impossible for me to pull at all-nighter. Magoo isn't ready for that yet.
Really, I just kind of wonder. We're married, we have a kid on the way, a dog, a cat, possibly another dog (a small one that is cheap to feed, but gives Captain a friend to play with in the backyard so that he won't feel left out with the kid when he gets less attention). We have a half a fence at a house we sort of own, our own washer and dryer. I'm almost 30. We are broke. And I still feel like I am 13. I just wonder if you always feel like a kid even though you are taking on so so so much it could break you if you think about it. I know DH is close to being there and I have obviously already been there before, but I can't risk it right now with Magoo needing a calm home. Some days it is hard to not go there.
I am hoping when we hit the 2nd trimester (2 weeks-ish to go) that I start to have energy again. That I can breath while I walk again. That I can craft and get things ready for this kid. And craft to sell. And write to make money. And pull myself together. And help DH pull himself together. Growing has its perks, but it's definitely hard. Definitely.
I did call my doctor's office to tell them drinking 60+oz of fluid a day was just not going to happen. It has nothing to do with nausea or vomiting and everything to do with the fact I just cannot fit that kind of liquid into my body. Every time I have hit 60oz, I ended up throwing at least 20oz back up (along with all the food I ate that day of course). They told me maybe I just don't need as much fluid to stay hydrated, but don't want to put me on a weekly IV yet because that ups my risk of catching something. So I keep trying.
In big news, DH and I, tomorrow, will be official homeowners. Like for real we will almost own a house - after we pay off the mortgage. That's really why we got preggers, to sell the first kid off in return for the house (joking, joking). We are (DH is) trying to pack and work full time and go to school. I feel really accomplished if I pack two boxes a day. Today, I went to the store to schedule our washer/dryer delivery (thank you in-laws!), and packed up my entire closet and nightstand. I literally have to take a solid 15+ minute rest in between each box because it is exhausting. So trying to pack is really stressful. I can't lift heavy things and we have about 10 people coming over Saturday to help with the move. This means it should go quickly and I will probably be shoving the last bits of crap into boxes while they move out what is packed. Then I can just take a nap on the floor at the house while they bring stuff in.
Tomorrow, DH gets the keys and comes to pick me up. From that point we have to go clean the house. We thought in good etiquette, the previous owners would clean. But, uh, yeah. The microwave is so astoundingly disgusting we may go buy a new one. I am pretty sure they put some sort of animal in there and it exploded and then dripped down allllll over the stovetop. It smells that way and its kind of an old brownish-orange color. DH will be taking on that one or I'll just keep voming on top of it. The floors need to be cleaned, the bathroom needs to be cleaned. We'll need to finish packing. DH probably won't sleep so he can finish that up because it will be impossible for me to pull at all-nighter. Magoo isn't ready for that yet.
Really, I just kind of wonder. We're married, we have a kid on the way, a dog, a cat, possibly another dog (a small one that is cheap to feed, but gives Captain a friend to play with in the backyard so that he won't feel left out with the kid when he gets less attention). We have a half a fence at a house we sort of own, our own washer and dryer. I'm almost 30. We are broke. And I still feel like I am 13. I just wonder if you always feel like a kid even though you are taking on so so so much it could break you if you think about it. I know DH is close to being there and I have obviously already been there before, but I can't risk it right now with Magoo needing a calm home. Some days it is hard to not go there.
I am hoping when we hit the 2nd trimester (2 weeks-ish to go) that I start to have energy again. That I can breath while I walk again. That I can craft and get things ready for this kid. And craft to sell. And write to make money. And pull myself together. And help DH pull himself together. Growing has its perks, but it's definitely hard. Definitely.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Vomiting Tips:
Don't brush tongue when nauseated.
Never ever eat rice. Worst thing ever.
Corn chips are almost as bad.
Don't eat what you crave when you know it can't end well (ie fake nacho cheese).
Corn chips are almost as bad.
Don't eat what you crave when you know it can't end well (ie fake nacho cheese).
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
A Follow-Up of Stress.
Today I followed up with a doctor after getting fluids pumped into me on Friday. She said based on being pregnant, anxious and not eating or drinking enough my symptoms are exactly what she would expect. I am to first try to stay calm: prenatal yoga, benedryl for stressful days, etc. Then to drink 60 ounces of fluid a day; the type of fluid does not matter at this point, just get it in me. Then to eat whatever I crave be it healthy or not. She said first I need to get nutrients in me, then we can worry about what they are. And the baby will take what it needs without worrying about me, which is why I am low energy, dizzy and unable to walk more than twenty feet. So we went out today and bought a snow cone machine for $17, a bag of ice and two flavors. I have been drinking 30oz of gatorade a day, 10oz of juice and just need to add in 20 more. A snow cone will be at least another 8, along with either ice cream or a strawberry fruit popsicle if I just add in one glass of water or lemonade I can hit that 60oz mark.
The loan on the house was approved today and we know the current owners have fixed the roof. We may be moving in as soon as 9 days - yikes! DH packed a total of two boxes today and I did none. I am avoiding it. The house is about 400 square feet larger than what we live in now - but it all went to a third bedroom and laundry area. The actual living space is pretty tiny. I'm finding myself incredibly stressed at where everything will fit and how we will get rid of things that we actually use. We'll have an extra bedroom, but it will be a nursery so it isn't like there is extra space there we can have. With only a small living room and a kitchen - not even a eat in kitchen - it kind of leaves communal space to be desired. I'm hoping we may be able to cheaply finish off the porch - it already has a roof over it - to make it a small eating area and sunroom. But that won't happen for quite sometime. It is beginning to feel claustrophobic.
On another somber note, we realized before Magoo gets here we will need to figure out how to afford a new-to-us car. My 15 year old Chevy isn't really cutting it anymore, the engine doesn't really rev up all the time and the engine trouble light has been on for almost 2 years. Mechanics can guess at three or four things that MAY be wrong with it, but fixing those will cost more than the car is worth. Plus trying to drag a kid in and out from a two door car isn't ideal either. Along with that, DH drives a car that a baby can't even be in. A sick fil, a new house, higher bills, new baby, new car? And me not working and DH without a guaranteed job. When did any of this sound like a smart idea again (okay so babies and ill fil's were obviously not ideas to consider one way or another. Those two are there to find strength, grow and survive, but all the rest)?
Sunday, April 15, 2012
We Have a Prune.
Recap: I spent Friday in the ER due to dehydration. When I got there, they drew a bunch of blood and then told me I had a 2-3 hour wait to get back to the beds. I asked for something to drink because I knew I was going to faint (I literally told the guy, I am going to faint, I need something), so he hooked me up to IV bag number one, plopped me in a wheelchair and sent me to the waiting room for my wait. Fast-forward a total of 7 minutes and I was fainting. This made me anxious because I know when I am going to faint and I know I need to lay down, get my head lower than my heart and drink water. Being in a wheelchair and hooked to an IV, none of this could happen. So I told DH, I am fainting go get help. He waited while someone was checking in, looked over and I mouthed to him "please hurry!" At that point my sight was going away and I was sweating and sliding out of the chair. Same nurse dude came back and told me I was hyperventilating (of course I was because you wouldn't listen to me!) and would be okay. My hands and feel went into that numb tingling phase and then suddenly my entire stomach/hip area did, too. Super weird (hopefully no harm to Magoo). I told him if felt like I was being sucked into a black hole (geek alert!) They took my blood pressure, which was 82/41 and because I was pregnant, suddenly a room opened up! (Well it did, but then some guy who disappeared ended up in it so then I had to wait in a storage room until another was cleaned). Another IV bag later, a little bit of food (admittingly DH ate most of it) and juice later and I was cleared to go. The staff was extremely nice, apparently they were all talking about the little pregnant one. I felt weak leaving, a little dizzy still, but otherwise a lot better.
Fast forward to Saturday: We had to go to my in-laws because my DH needed to drive his Dad to the airport to pick up his (DH's) half-sister. This made me extremely angry because I never get to see DH and it meant I had to spent a few hours alone at my in-laws house a day after being in the hospital and feeling super shitty. Then the entire family came over, the TV was turned up loud enough that I am pretty sure the neighbors could hear it. All I wanted was to escape as quickly as possible. We finally got home and DH played Zelda (nerd alert!) until it was time to go to bed. During that time I tried to be good and had 2 glasses of fluids (one glass of water, one glass of lemonade) over 2 hours. I literally almost peed my pants multiple times, got nauseated and started having some bubbly in my throat (not the good kind, people) and massive, massive cramping around my bladder. Kind of like bad intestinal/period pains. Luckily I knew it was from drinking WATER. Not only that, but something is crazy up with Oregon water. It tastes like liquid frosting, no joke. Only to pregnant people (only to pregnant me actually), but who wants to drink that? Yuck yuck yuck.
Today I slept until 12:30pm (of course put in there trouble falling asleep and waking up to pee every two hours). I am still uber exhausted and trying my hardest to down fluids. I've had a little gingerale, a little of a coffee slushie and some gatorade. I pee a lot, but I am still not sure I drink enough. I asked a bunch of girls what they do to stay hydrated in my situation. They all said to get the smaller size gatorades and make yourself drink at least one a day. Eat ice pops, lots of water filled fruits (watermelon for example) and my favorite - get a sno cone machine. Hell yeah, I will eat sno cones all freaking day long! Mmmmm blue raspberry sno cone, yummm. So whenever we go get groceries, we are totally checking to see how much one costs. Because I'm down with that.
Oh yeah, my prune is Magoo. I don't eat prunes; I don't hear good things about them. Except this baby prune. Magoo is a whopping 1.5 inches today. Next week, we graduate to a lime.
PS: My MIL asked if I got my gender ultrasound yet and then (semi-jokingly. No for real a joke, but not really) told me if it wasn't a girl I was kicked out of the family. Later she shoved two stuffed chicks up her shirt and pretended to be pregnant with twins. I told her one better be a girl or she was in trouble:)
Friday, April 13, 2012
Hyperemesis
A condition of severe morning sickness brought on by the inability to eat, drink and keep those things from ending up in the dog bowl. That's right. Yesterday I felt terrible all day (see post below). DH finally got home around 9pm and had to go to the bathroom. At that point, I had to throw up. The bathroom was taken, so it was either the floor or the first dish I could grab. Captain's food bowl. With his food still in there. I knew it was everything I had had all day because, well TMI, but when noodles come back up you know it. I called my doctor to see if they could do the IV electrolytes for me. I can barely walk, feel like I am going to fall over even when sitting and feel like I have twenty pound weights attached to my arms. And a constant headache that started yesterday with the dehydration. But my OB nurse says I need to go to the ER because they have better anti-nausea drugs (honestly I am more concerned about the co-pay. $15 if I went to their office, $100 for the ER, HUGE difference when you are broke). But I do have to say I am really looking forward to getting fluids in my body without having to drink them, I imagine I will feel so good afterward. Then with a good anti-nausea medication hopefully I can keep fluids down, eat well enough and never have to go back to the ER during this pregnancy. Fingers crossed (and yes, Magoo that means you. I know you have fingers now).
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Ugh, Morning Sickness.
Today has been terrible. I am trying to drink fluids and feel so sick afterward. I have a third a can of soup before I thought I was going to throw up and left it out for an hour. Now its reheated and the attempt to finish it is going on. I know if I had started to eat earlier, I probably would feel better. I can barely walk across my apartment and need to go out to pick up a prescription. In fact, I had to lay on the floor while walking from my bathroom to the couch because I didn't think I would make it. Today is a day I wish I had a really awesome friend who would come over and make me food to eat. I am hungry and not totally averse to food, BUT by the time I make something and get ready to eat it, I am literally dry heaving at the thought. That went on for hours this morning until I finally ate half a pudding cup because I needed food right that second and then heated up the soup when I could stand.
Friday I will be at 9 weeks going into my 10th. That means a measly four weeks from Friday to get through til I suppppposedly feel better - but I know many people feel gross the entire time and that is generally my luck. My fingers are crossed, but my breath is not held. And let's face it, four weeks is an entire freaking month. That feels like foreva right now, foreva.
My thighs are freaking jumbo jets and my hips are wings. I am barely fitting in my fat pants right now. I sweat uncomfortably at night, have dry skin and just as much facial acne as ever. I nap throughout the day and have zero motivation to do anything. Maybe at least, at least Magoo, you could make it easy for me to eat food. You know, just that small favor would be greatly appreciated. Trust me, I won't forget you are there.
Monday, April 9, 2012
An Emotional Easter.
My Easter started out well - I slept in to ensure that my energy wouldn't sink too low during the family dinner. But then DH tried to please everyone by helping his two best friends move in the morning and got home late. I can't stand or cook or do things for long periods of time so he was supposed to be home to help me make a potato salad requested by my MIL for the dinner and there was no time when he got home. Because my MIL and I bond over creating (cooking, sewing, jewelry, knitting, etc) it was really important to me to have that dish and I felt like DH chose helping friends over helping me. Bring in the wacko hormones and that leads to a lot of crying. An all day crying fest needless to say, it started and it wouldn't stop.
I opted to stay home (I've never been a big holiday celebrator to start with) and send DH on his un-merry little way. The thought of the noise from all the people: nephews running around, stressed MIL yelling to get people to help her, a SIL who feels like she can be heard only by talking in shrill loud voices. Overwhelming. Add in food aversions (as in anything that is edible makes me want to vomit at the thought of it) and sitting in front of a huge table PACKED with different foods. Ugh. I literally feel the vomit crawling up my throat right now.
So I stayed home and watched tv and kept throwing my poor-kitty-who-just-wants-love-but-cant-have-it-because-he-has-softballs-of-poo-hanging-off-his-ass from the couch. And I was excruciatingly depressed. Anxiety has taken its toll on me. I spent months sitting on the couch barely able to drive to the grocery store because I was afraid of having an anxiety attack. I went to the hospital because I had an extreme panic attack that wouldn't stop. A month after that and I was able to volunteer at a cat shelter weekly and help adopt cats. I started interning at an animal hospital because I was working toward become a vet tech. I even got a job interview to work as a Vet Assistant, which would have been my dream. I was going out to happy hours with girls I had never met to make friends. My life was coming together. Fast forward to being pregnant.
I can't be at the cat shelter because they use open litter boxes everywhere for their cats. I can't intern at the hospital because of cleaning chemicals, unknowns of what animals may do and radiation from x-rays. I couldn't take the job for the same reasons. The women I were meeting were lovely, but not interested in having kids yet or ready for that stage of their life. So that puts me back at square one. On the couch and isolated. I'm too sick to want to go out and don't see a point in finishing my vet assistant certification since I can't do that job pregnant and I'd never make enough money to combat daycare costs. Which means I am looking at a life as a stay at home mom. And that would be fine if I had a life outside of the couch. If I had friends besides my husband. Where I am right now is not okay with me and where I feel like I am going to end up is also not okay with me. But it is really hard to find ways to make changes when you have anxiety, an impending kid and no money.
I asked my doctor if I can go back on anti-anxiety/depression medications until I can figure out how to be an anxious mother instead of just an anxious woman. But realistically, I am not sure it will help. I'd like to start pulling myself together soon and depression medications take 6 weeks to even start helping and by then hopefully I won't be so sad. Isolation is not easy.
What also isn't easy? Being pregnant with the invention of the internet. It is fantastic that I can talk to Mom's across the world due the same month as me, yes. In fact that is currently my only social outlet, I don't know what I would do without that. But doctors have gotten too much knowledge and all of that gets put onto the internet. And I'm pregnant for the first time with no friends who have ever been pregnant. So things are happening and you have no idea if its good pain or bad pain or good or bad anything and doctors tell you not to worry but don't inform you. So you hear about people having terrible experiences and get the worst case information. Doctors test you for a thousand different genetic possibilities of how your kid can suffer or die within the first few years of its life. There is no way a pregnancy can be enjoyable in this age; there is a problem with too much knowledge in the wrong hands. And no hands - the internet - is the wrong hands.
For now I am sleeping a lot, trying not to let my hormones make me struggle more than I should and trying to figure out a new life. Because the one I was planning can't co-exist with a child.
Friday, April 6, 2012
And We Won!
A sweet Moby Wrap (very exciting, I've always wanted to carry my baby this way) and an interview:
http://www.whattoexpect.com/blogs/what-to-expect-movie-news/meet-the-new-star-of-the-month
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
That was a Weekend.
Thursday I had a doctor appointment because of UTI symptoms plus blood in my bowel movement. Interior hemorrhoid (no big deal) and my urine test was clean. I went home and progressively throughout the day starting getting intense cramping. DH and I went to his parents to say goodbye to visiting relatives and it was all I could do to not cry. I tried gas x and tums and nothing really helped. Galvin (to-be-Uncle) came to stay with me Friday and my doctor's office said go to the ER, it may be ectopic.
The ER was a full house, over 30 people in the waiting room including someone hacking their lungs out (and not always wearing a mask, nasty dude, nasty) and a girl who chopped her finger off. DU (dear Uncle) and DH went with me to the ultrasound they gave me and we saw the baby with a heart rate of 119. In the middle of the uterus. Viable. They then took us down to a room where a pediatrician told us Sub-Chorionic Hemorrhage. I had never heard of it and had no idea what to ask. They just said take it easy, lay down, don't lift. Bedrest, pelvic rest blah blah blah. And the "I don't believe in statistics," speech. Normally I don't believe in statistics either, if you tell me statistics say I am going to die or not get some weird disease, I will say f you. Someone is always on the small side of the statistic or it wouldn't be a freaking statistic. But when a doctor says he doesn't believe in them, I call your bullshit sir. That just means they don't want to bring you down.
Saturday, DH and I went to a follow up doctor appointment, errrrr, well we were supposed to. Whoever scheduled it forgot to put it in their computer. So we chatted with one of my favorite nurses there (she helped me a lot through my terrible anxiety states and gave me a shot in my ass, that is closeness right there). She said she doubted anything would be wrong, but they would review and call if they thought there was a problem. DH and I arrived home and slept more until ''ring ring'' you need to come in Monday for a blood draw (I found out later they thought it may be a molar pregnancy). I also received the report telling me how big my sch is, it is pretty darn large. About 16cm in volume of straight up blood. My baby is a mere half a centimeter right now. So I freaked out.
DU was on call Monday because my anxiety was through the roof. I decided to let him stay at home because I was going to sleep and he didn't need to be there to watch me sleep. I did however, ask him to bring me to my ultrasound on Tuesday morning. My anxiety was sky high and there was no way DH could get off work and I would survive alone (without a massive panic attack). DU came with me and they did a quick three minute ultrasound to check on the heartbeat. Now at 139! And I asked about the sch. The doctor said if I hadn't she probably wouldn't have even paid attention. There was no measurement taken because we didn't get a 3D ultrasound, but I am hoping it shrunk. Either way, it seems to be fairly good news.
Tuesday afternoon I had another doctor appointment and he did some adjustments to my ribs. Apparently my left side ones are pretty darn angry. I may have hurt them falling at some point and they don't lay (lie?) in the right position. But the baby looks good and I can exercise again. Except I am still taking it easy until I know the sch is gone. And today I feel like ass, bitter ass. Damn you morning sickness meets dehydration.
For now, Magoo is doing well. My next ultrasound is in a month and they will be checking for genetic problems (like a neck not developing for instance). Then another six weeks after that and we can find out if Magoo has girl or boy parts. Then a mere 22 weeks after that I can push this sucker out of me. Gosh it can't come fast enough.
I was very happy to learn my OB nurse hated being pregnant every time she was pregnant. I was worried I was the only one who isn't going to enjoy this process.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
A Little - or a Lot - Scared.
Usually I go to bed, wake up at 4:27am (literally on the dot every day) to pee, fall back asleep and wake up again at 6:27am to go. Then I am okay until I wake up for good. Last night I had to pee every fifteen minutes. There is a little pain at the end and there is always a LOT of pee. Even if I haven't had anything to drink at some point. I also have a lot of pressure and fullness in my lower abdomen - about where that pesky bladder is. As someone who suffered from UTIs for almost a year without a break, I couldn't get to the doctor fast enough.
The friendly nurse hands me the cup to pee in and of course, like me, my bladder has performance anxiety. Sigh. I had to down a bottle of powerade, almost vomited on my doctor (his face was pretty awesome) and finally, finally got a few drops out. And guess what, no UTI. Not even one sign of a UTI. My pee was a little golden, but otherwise lovely. So now I have these gross symptoms with no cause, which means no fix. How can you not worry that it is something wrong with Magoo? I can't. I have no idea what my body is doing. Literally, this is the hard part of pregnancy. I have no idea what is happening to me or my baby. I wish I had a glass torso and glass uterus so I could always know exactly what Magoo is doing. Or how my body is trying to fuck itself up this time.
My doctor told me to come back in tomorrow if the symptoms persist or get worse. I am kind of wondering if it is just my uterus causing stretching or my bladder irritated by the coffee I drank yesterday. Either way I hope as surprisingly as it came, it goes away. It is painful, irritating and frustrating. BUT in the best news of best news, my first ultrasound is Tuesday. I just, in this moment, realized that is a mere five days away! In five days my baby should have a first picture, a heartbeat I can hear and little arm nubs poking out of its dinosaur looking body. Gosh I can't wait.
Rarrr means love in dinosaur, baby. Rarrrr.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Why, Hello Embryo.
So the DH (dear husband) knocked me up. I knew when I was six whole days along because vertigo started. Terrible, nauseated vertigo - especially with DH at the wheel (not entirely surprising). Doctors told me it was just something off with the ear though, a little extra fluid perhaps even though I double dosed antihistamines every day. Then DH went to Austin for work and I started an internship at a Veterinary Hospital. And fainted. Way to make an impression. So I went home and took a pregnancy test because I never had vertigo and I don't faint without good cause.
I figured it would be negative because I have anxiety and anxiety can make you lightheaded - especially doing something new, like an internship. Even more especially when that internship starts off with a cat asleep on a table for a procedure. Poor kitty. So I took the cheap test. The kind that has the plus and minus signs. The semi-unreliable kind. And it said plus. A faint, but big fast plus sign. My heart raced and I HAD to tell someone so I called DH while he sat in the airport on his way home. "Dude, I fainted at work today. And now this stick is telling me I am preggers. PREGGERS." The line was slightly faint, so I didn't trust it completely to be honest. But it was also the line that would have showed up for a negative test so it kind of didn't matter. So I did what anyone in this situation would do - drank a cup of coffee (perhaps not my smartest move?) and was going to wait to take a digital test. The kind that don't get it wrong. I had to hold the pee in for four whole hours to make sure the hormone was built up enough.
Did I wait? No way. How are you supposed to wait? I drank my coffee and went and peed on another stick less than an hour after. "Pregnant." It really didn't even take too long to think about it. When I took one at six days and it said "not pregnant" it kind of took its sweet time to confirm that. Maybe because it was WRONG.
So here we are, pregnant. Was it planned? Not exactly. This kid is coming a few months earlier than we anticipated, but hey as my therapist says, maybe this is how the universe is going to fix my anxiety. We are almost seven weeks - on Friday we will be. And my first ultrasound is coming up. As an anxious person - and first time pregs chick - I worry about things like miscarriages. When you hear the heartbeat, supposedly that risk drops from 15-25% all the way to a mere 2%. That means I can relax a little bit. But I probably won't really relax until week 20 when Magoo (embryo's current name) decides the womb is roomy enough to stay and play. Or really at birth when I get to worry about giving this kid the best chance for a life instead of miscarrying.
And only a few people know about Magoo right now. We aren't sharing with the world yet because the world doesn't need to know right now. So if you found this blog, you're in on my secret. If you know me, keep it to yourself please. If you don't, it doesn't really matter. DH and I are just not ready to explain it to twenty thousand people and then if the worse happens and I do miscarry, explain that loss to twenty thousand people either.
So here we are: anxious, scared, excited, happy and pregnant.
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