A friend of mine asked me for advice about being a Mom. Real advice. The kind of advice that people call honest. Luckily, that is all I have when it comes to parenting. I really don't think I could sugarcoat it and make it seem like its all glamorous. Because right now, we very rarely have glamor. Some days I settle for survival.
Before I give my advice, let me say that I completely understand everything below is personal to me. Not every mother-child, mother-self, parent-parent relationship will be the same. In fact, it would be an impossibility. So this advice that follows is not necessarily ever going to be relevant to you. Especially if you are going to be a out-of-the-home working mama.
- Get your sleep in now. Seriously. I haven't gotten a straight night of sleep in since pre-pregnancy when I didn't have to get up to pee all the time. And I haven't gotten more than about 4 hours of sleep in a row since two days before my daughter was born.
- Know what and when growth spurts and wonder weeks are. Growth spurts are physical growth spurts, your kid is bulking up, getting longer and stronger. Wonder weeks are intellectual spurts where new mental capacity is being learned. With both your baby is f-u-s-s-y crankypants. Knowing it is going to end and how to help makes it bearable.
- You may hate breastfeeding. I was told it would feel like a kiss to my nipple. Egggggghhhh, wrong answer. For me it feels more like rug burn. And when the milk comes in, supposedly some people feel calm, almost like they are high. I feel like a thousand needles are coming in with force and about to explode out my breast. So I hate the physical side of breastfeeding. BUT, I love the emotional bond, the fact that its free and that it is the best option for us. (And that its an excuse to get her back from people, only I can feed her!)
- If you can do it, pump and store milk so your partner can share night feedings. I physically have no problem doing so, I have a supply in the freezer. But I can't stand the thought of my daughter having a bottle or someone else feeding her. And I can't sleep through her noises, so I'd be up anyways. But having the ability to get 4 hours of straight sleep instead of being up every 2 can make a big difference.
- I did not bond immediately with LO. There was no rush of emotion as they put her on my belly. It took me a few weeks to feel that overwhelming love everyone feels. There is nothing wrong with that.
- While I suffered only from minor postpartum depression/anxiety, know that it can happen and be prepared. I had my therapist, my doctors and DH ready and asked them to tell me if they thought I needed medication. I trust their opinions and my doctor did tell me once he thought I may need it. I refused saying it was too early to jump on the bandwagon and DH agreed so I stayed medication free.
- I highly recommend placenta encapsulation. Yes, in practice it is gross. But you don't know you are ingesting it and the benefits are amazing. It definitely helped with postpartum emotions and increases my milk supply.
- You will get exhausted. Just be ready for it. I have gotten so tired that I will sit down and cry. I ran a red light because I didn't even know there was a light there (luckily it had just switched and was not busy). When I get tired, I also get extremely angry. Have your coping mechanisms ready.
- Cloth diaper. It sounds gross, the first few times you go to wash them it is gross. But its better for your baby's skin, the environment and saves money. $200 for all the diapers we need for multiple babies. My water and electric bill have not gone up and I wash 2x a week.
- Right at this second, someone is telling me how much harder it is to be a working mom. Because they work 40+ hours a week outside the home and then do all the same things a sahm does. Neither one is easy and for different reasons. But being a sahm Mom is not easy. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you accomplish nothing for the day but having a fed and happy baby, that is allowed to be enough. A working Mom doesn't do a lot of the same things a sahm does.
- You are going to have to ask for help. Well maybe. I only ask for help from DH. Other people offer help, but I have a really hard time accepting it. My daughter is my responsibility, so I should be the one not sleeping, not going out, not doing whatever. But you have to do those things to keep your sanity. So accept the help.
- Keep open communication with your partner. If you are exhausted, angry, depressed, happy, thrilled about something. If he isn't hearing you or you have a suggestion on how to make things easier. It may not fix anything, but at least I can say I am so tired and DH will say, I'll take her this weekend so you can sleep in. Or he at least knows I am in a sour mood and to be weary!
- My body is wider. I have stretch marks. I'm still in pain moving around (3 months after giving birth). My body feels different. I have some extra weight. None of it really bothers me that much. Mostly the extra weight, I can't wait to exercise again and tone my body up. And I wish I had a new wardrobe because even though my clothes fit, they fit differently.
- This is hard. Being a Mom is really freaking hard. Is she growing, is she sick, is she teething? What if I can't make her better? Oh my gosh, she is crying real tears! She still eats every two hours around the clock, when will it stop? There are so many small things that make it physically and emotionally draining. All the worry, all the unknowns.
- Advise your partner and be advised by them. I am highly familiar with babies. DH was not. So if I tell him how to change a diaper, activities LO may like to do or why she is crying he listens and acts accordingly. One day maybe he will remember each of these things:)
- It is true. It is worth it. After a really hard day and you go to bed wondering what you have gotten yourself into. That you can't take the lack of sleep and the crying and how unhappy your baby seems, you wake up and she is smiling, blowing bubbles, jabbering and eventually laughing. That makes the upcoming bad day you know is coming worth it. And when you forget, you hopefully get another morning like that to remind you.
I'm sure there are more things. And my view on things will also be skewed because I am a crunchy mom (see next post). Perhaps I will occasionally update with advice I find relevant because I know it will always change.
Oh, last one. Find your thing that is comforting and relaxing. It has to be something you can do while taking care of your baby because you don't always get a break. For me, its a really good cup of coffee. If LO is having a bad day and screaming and feels horrible and I am on my last straw, a cup of coffee can make be remember to breathe again. Especially when DH makes it while taking care of LO or brings me home my favorite (or close to favorite depending on where his drive is) pre-made coffee so I can just sit back and relax. And I make sure to get a shower in every night before bed while DH watches her. That is my one 15 minute break a day I get. It would be longer if our hot water lasted longer than 10 minutes:) !
PS: Do enjoy it, all of it! I love watching DH with her because they are amazing together. (And remind each other you really are good parents). And I always want to smack people when they say, oh it goes by so quickly, enjoy it when they are little. $&*$%&@ $(%(*@#!!% would be my immediate reaction. But its totally true. She is three months and I think, wow that did go by quickly. She already wants to cuddle less, she wants to play at the same time she eats. And she is huge.
I try to document every month birthday (haha lame lame) with a fun photo. I up my standard every month to create something even more fun. This will continue as long as she allows me to do it and then become a yearly thing I think. But I put in her favorite things (generally what she has learned in the last month), her weight and what I think she may be when she grows up based on her current favorite skill. Then when I look back I will know exactly when she hit certain milestones or what kind of baby she was when.
And just remember, no matter what you choose to do you are a fantastic Mom/Dad. It doesn't matter if you are exhausted and crying. If you are angry and swear in front of your LO (she won't know the word yet anyways), if you feel overwhelmed. If you are depressed or anxious or lonely or anywhere in between. If overall, you have a happy, growing baby who is healthy (or you are trying to get healthy, god forbid), you are a good Mom and a good Dad.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Into February.
We have graduated into February and are soon to be three months old. It never used to seem like it would, but time has progressed quickly. Instead of a crying, crazy baby with no sleep we have a sometimes crying, crazy, smiling baby with no sleep. That few hours she is awake and happy during the day make a huge difference in how it feels. I'm still utterly exhausted and in need of a nap. The past two days I've had two coffees. We are already starting to teeth so last night was a lot of painful cries and very few zzz's.
But last week, we had very special visitors! DH was gone for most of the time on a business trip. It was my first time being in the house alone and with an infant. Luckily, I was mostly too tired to get anxious about it. I did, however, sit in the dark the first day alone so that LO would sleep instead of scream. That caused some minor depression on my part. But once we got into the routine, it was okay. She did really well sleeping at night for me and we got through it. I definitely missed the breaks in the evening I am used to getting when DH comes home. And getting to shower without worrying about if she is crying or needs something. But then, her godparents came to meet her (finally it worked out!).
M came down earlier and did some baby snuggling, which gave my arms their first real baby free time in a few days. H joined on Saturday and stayed for another day. DH came home Friday night. And this is why these two people are two of the most amazing people I know, in every way possible. After paying (in bus ticket and gas) to get down here they proceeded: to do two photo shoots (lo is seriously adorable), watch LO so DH and I could go on a date, give us money for the date, make me a birthday torte, give me a birthday card, cut my hair and made us breakfast. I'm pretty sure it should have worked the other way around since they were our guests. We had a fantastic weekend, got some stress out, got out of the house and had an fantastically delicious omelette (plus of course the torte, I do love chocolate right now).
And this is now our February. It is Valentine's Day and LO is wearing a heart, about to fall asleep for a nap. I will enjoy my first cup of coffee and start working on my writing assignments until she wakes up. Then hopefully I can finish them today so tomorrow I can do things I enjoy. Besides, of course, taking care of my daughter.
She now grabs onto everything, plays with toys and interacts with the cat (her best best friend ever). There has never been a time in my life I have been so proud to see such changes overnight. Huge, momentous things are happening here and it has only just begun.
But last week, we had very special visitors! DH was gone for most of the time on a business trip. It was my first time being in the house alone and with an infant. Luckily, I was mostly too tired to get anxious about it. I did, however, sit in the dark the first day alone so that LO would sleep instead of scream. That caused some minor depression on my part. But once we got into the routine, it was okay. She did really well sleeping at night for me and we got through it. I definitely missed the breaks in the evening I am used to getting when DH comes home. And getting to shower without worrying about if she is crying or needs something. But then, her godparents came to meet her (finally it worked out!).
M came down earlier and did some baby snuggling, which gave my arms their first real baby free time in a few days. H joined on Saturday and stayed for another day. DH came home Friday night. And this is why these two people are two of the most amazing people I know, in every way possible. After paying (in bus ticket and gas) to get down here they proceeded: to do two photo shoots (lo is seriously adorable), watch LO so DH and I could go on a date, give us money for the date, make me a birthday torte, give me a birthday card, cut my hair and made us breakfast. I'm pretty sure it should have worked the other way around since they were our guests. We had a fantastic weekend, got some stress out, got out of the house and had an fantastically delicious omelette (plus of course the torte, I do love chocolate right now).
And this is now our February. It is Valentine's Day and LO is wearing a heart, about to fall asleep for a nap. I will enjoy my first cup of coffee and start working on my writing assignments until she wakes up. Then hopefully I can finish them today so tomorrow I can do things I enjoy. Besides, of course, taking care of my daughter.
She now grabs onto everything, plays with toys and interacts with the cat (her best best friend ever). There has never been a time in my life I have been so proud to see such changes overnight. Huge, momentous things are happening here and it has only just begun.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Two Coffees and a Wine.
Today is that kind of day. I just had a coffee. A really good, bought from my favorite cafe kind of coffee. In an hour or two, I'll be having a made-from-home coffee just to take tylenol because for some unknown reason I am hitting that kind of exhaustion. We are starting to get longer stretches of sleep and for some reason its screwing my system up and making all the past months of no-sleep catch up with me (I think). Then after that second coffee there will be a half cup of wine.
Why wine? Not because it tastes good (thank goodness this particular kind does, DH bought it for me), but actually because it helps with breastfeeding. I have Raynaud's Syndrome. This pretty much means that the blood flow to my extremities isn't working correctly. So my hands, feet, ears, nose and chin get really cold and turn purple and hurt. Or my hands and feet get too much blood, it can get back out and they swell, turn splotchy and sweat, sweat, sweat. Apparently it affects nipples as well, especially when breastfeeding. It hurts, to the point it always feels like you have a bad latch even when the two of you are working perfectly together. My nipples feel like they are being stabbed repeatedly if they get cold and I get random shooting pains. They turn white after I am done feeding. Mostly, doctors tell you to keep those nips warm, cover up as soon as you are done feeding and carry on. There is a drug they can give you, but it has a known side effect of migraines and low blood pressure. Already having both of these, I don't need meds to help out more. So I sit with a heating pad on my breasts before and after she eats. Take a warm shower every night. If I get cold outside, you'll see me walking with my hands on my breasts trying to warm them up. And I drink a half glass of red wine every night.
There is no medical evidence that it helps - the wine at least. But for me it does make a difference. I had my first bottle of wine and notice that breastfeeding was actually enjoyable. I wasn't having pain, it actually felt nice to let my daughter eat as long as she wanted to. I didn't put two and two together until I stopped drinking the wine. All the pain came back. I couldn't wait for her to finish dinner, I hated when my nursing pads rubbed the wrong way on my breast or if my cat climbed up to lay on me. Now I am on my second bottle of wine and once again it is getting better. So for the next year - or as long as my body lets me make milk - there will be nightly wine. Maybe I am turning into my parents!
Why wine? Not because it tastes good (thank goodness this particular kind does, DH bought it for me), but actually because it helps with breastfeeding. I have Raynaud's Syndrome. This pretty much means that the blood flow to my extremities isn't working correctly. So my hands, feet, ears, nose and chin get really cold and turn purple and hurt. Or my hands and feet get too much blood, it can get back out and they swell, turn splotchy and sweat, sweat, sweat. Apparently it affects nipples as well, especially when breastfeeding. It hurts, to the point it always feels like you have a bad latch even when the two of you are working perfectly together. My nipples feel like they are being stabbed repeatedly if they get cold and I get random shooting pains. They turn white after I am done feeding. Mostly, doctors tell you to keep those nips warm, cover up as soon as you are done feeding and carry on. There is a drug they can give you, but it has a known side effect of migraines and low blood pressure. Already having both of these, I don't need meds to help out more. So I sit with a heating pad on my breasts before and after she eats. Take a warm shower every night. If I get cold outside, you'll see me walking with my hands on my breasts trying to warm them up. And I drink a half glass of red wine every night.
There is no medical evidence that it helps - the wine at least. But for me it does make a difference. I had my first bottle of wine and notice that breastfeeding was actually enjoyable. I wasn't having pain, it actually felt nice to let my daughter eat as long as she wanted to. I didn't put two and two together until I stopped drinking the wine. All the pain came back. I couldn't wait for her to finish dinner, I hated when my nursing pads rubbed the wrong way on my breast or if my cat climbed up to lay on me. Now I am on my second bottle of wine and once again it is getting better. So for the next year - or as long as my body lets me make milk - there will be nightly wine. Maybe I am turning into my parents!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
On Being Overwhelmed.
Being a parent is hard - emotionally and physically. Being a sahm who is ebf (stay at home mom...exclusively breastfeeding) is even harder. This post is not meant in any way to degrade anyone is isn't breastfeeding or staying at home, I completely get it is hard anyway you parent. I just think it is harder the way I am choosing, and able, to parent.
Working out of the house would be difficult because you spend the majority of time away from your child. You are exhausted and need to function enough to drive a car and meet someone else's work demands. Staying at home is hard because I don't get a break. I am parenting 24/7. My break during the work week is 20 minutes to shower while DH watches LO. Other than that I am at my daughter's beck and call. She needs her diaper changed, I am doing it. She wants human touch, I am holding her. She needs to eat, I am feeding her. There is no "I" anymore, it is exclusively a "we" and right now her needs come before my own. It is extremely overwhelming to never get a break, especially right now when she is going through an extremely fussy stage. I am hoping it isn't going to be her new trend. I am still my own person, but I don't get to be that person until she is further developed and can self-soothe, self-learn and self-entertain. If I need to go run a five minute errand, it is going to take me over an hour because I need to change her, feed her, put her in the car seat, get her out of the car seat, do the errand, put her back in the car seat and get home. Besides of course getting myself ready as well. That alone makes it not worth it to just run out and get out of the house. I also still lack friends, so all my time is spent with the baby and my adult conversation happens when DH gets home if he is mentally present. Sometimes he is too stressed and isn't. By the end of the work week, I am completely overwhelmed and exhausted. DH sleeps while I am up trying to get our daughter to sleep, changing her diaper and feeding her every 2ish hours. I haven't had unbroken sleep since she was born. And when you already have anxiety, being sleep deprived is not the best add on. Not being able to exercise, also not the best for me. There are trying days where I struggle to be sane, stay away and meet lo's needs. One day it will get better, but who knows when. In a month, tomorrow, in a year? Who knows when she will learn to sleep through the night or be a more efficient eater so she gets fuller and eats less often. Who knows when I will learn to balance her needs and mine. And, as my therapist said, all ebf mom's feel like single parents because there is very little the father can do. At what point does that feeling end? Because feeling like you are doing everything alone is even tougher (and I am not putting DH at fault here, if he had boobs full of milk, I am sure he would give me a break - though probably not at nights still). And the fact that LO just wants to eat from me and not sleep for me - not helpful either!
I am sure DH is also overwhelmed. He wants to see his friends, but knows he has to help me. He has not been around babies and doesn't know how they developed or exactly what to do all the time. He walks her around, changes a diaper and lays on the couch with her. I don't think he can quite fathom yet that you have to learn how to empty the dishwasher or do laundry while holding a baby. So is he tired and overwhelmed as well? Absolutely. But it was made abundantly clear today that he has no idea what it is like for me. And that only adds to my own overwhelmed-ness/isolation. So now I need to garnish a plan on how to make this easier for me. We need to compromise on what we both actually need and give up what we want. Because we will never anymore get what we want every day, every week, every month or every year. A few things, sure. But not everything and not even close to everything. We gave that up the day we decided to have a kid and now we need to actually live that choice.
Until we figure this out though, here is to surviving the insanity.
Working out of the house would be difficult because you spend the majority of time away from your child. You are exhausted and need to function enough to drive a car and meet someone else's work demands. Staying at home is hard because I don't get a break. I am parenting 24/7. My break during the work week is 20 minutes to shower while DH watches LO. Other than that I am at my daughter's beck and call. She needs her diaper changed, I am doing it. She wants human touch, I am holding her. She needs to eat, I am feeding her. There is no "I" anymore, it is exclusively a "we" and right now her needs come before my own. It is extremely overwhelming to never get a break, especially right now when she is going through an extremely fussy stage. I am hoping it isn't going to be her new trend. I am still my own person, but I don't get to be that person until she is further developed and can self-soothe, self-learn and self-entertain. If I need to go run a five minute errand, it is going to take me over an hour because I need to change her, feed her, put her in the car seat, get her out of the car seat, do the errand, put her back in the car seat and get home. Besides of course getting myself ready as well. That alone makes it not worth it to just run out and get out of the house. I also still lack friends, so all my time is spent with the baby and my adult conversation happens when DH gets home if he is mentally present. Sometimes he is too stressed and isn't. By the end of the work week, I am completely overwhelmed and exhausted. DH sleeps while I am up trying to get our daughter to sleep, changing her diaper and feeding her every 2ish hours. I haven't had unbroken sleep since she was born. And when you already have anxiety, being sleep deprived is not the best add on. Not being able to exercise, also not the best for me. There are trying days where I struggle to be sane, stay away and meet lo's needs. One day it will get better, but who knows when. In a month, tomorrow, in a year? Who knows when she will learn to sleep through the night or be a more efficient eater so she gets fuller and eats less often. Who knows when I will learn to balance her needs and mine. And, as my therapist said, all ebf mom's feel like single parents because there is very little the father can do. At what point does that feeling end? Because feeling like you are doing everything alone is even tougher (and I am not putting DH at fault here, if he had boobs full of milk, I am sure he would give me a break - though probably not at nights still). And the fact that LO just wants to eat from me and not sleep for me - not helpful either!
I am sure DH is also overwhelmed. He wants to see his friends, but knows he has to help me. He has not been around babies and doesn't know how they developed or exactly what to do all the time. He walks her around, changes a diaper and lays on the couch with her. I don't think he can quite fathom yet that you have to learn how to empty the dishwasher or do laundry while holding a baby. So is he tired and overwhelmed as well? Absolutely. But it was made abundantly clear today that he has no idea what it is like for me. And that only adds to my own overwhelmed-ness/isolation. So now I need to garnish a plan on how to make this easier for me. We need to compromise on what we both actually need and give up what we want. Because we will never anymore get what we want every day, every week, every month or every year. A few things, sure. But not everything and not even close to everything. We gave that up the day we decided to have a kid and now we need to actually live that choice.
Until we figure this out though, here is to surviving the insanity.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Understanding Coffee.
I drank coffee only a few times a week, not that I didn't want it (I find the taste comforting so I had decaf on days I really wanted it), but because I wanted to make sure the caffeine would work toward migraines. Because I get migraines frequently. So I never understood why people needed to drink coffee on a daily basis. But now I get it. Now that I am sleep deprived on a regular basis - and its looking to stay that way for the unforeseeable future - I have coffee every day. Usually I try to make it to the evening before I have it so I have the energy to make it until bedtime. But sometimes in the morning, I can barely move from the bed to the couch and those days I have two small cups of coffee. I'm slightly worried about dealing with the migraines when they come back however, because I know at some point they will. Until then, coffee every day.
Besides exhaustion, having a new baby means aching nipples (for me). Constantly clogged milk ducts, engorged breasts. There will be another post of this to come. And no - it isn't due to a bad latch or feeding, it has to do with a medical condition.
LO is working on doubling her birth weight by the time she reaches two months. She is currently weighing in at almost 13lbs and she is 7 weeks old. We are about to transition from 3 month clothes to 6 months. She can hold her head up pretty regularly, however she still has a little floppy head. She eats about every 2 hours around the clock still. Better than when it was every one hour by far, but we are still hoping to get her to sleep longer at night. This week we are going to start a bedtime routine for her and hope that helps her recognize when it is time for long stretches of sleep.
Her routine is going to be getting a bath (she just learned to like this last week), new diaper, new outfit, getting warmed up and cuddled. Reading a book (we just went and picked out six for her today: one on space, pokey little puppy, a zombie kid's book, the beast and his friend, you know fun titles. After the book is done, we will change her diaper if necessary, feed her, rock her to sleep and put her to bed at about 9pm. Eventually she will then sleep from 9pm until around 7am every day. She will probably wake up once to feed during that time. Everyone can then get better sleep, DH and I will get an hour or so to ourselves and will get to bed by 11pm instead of 2am when she is finally ready to sleep.
And we are now exclusively cloth diapering. I'll write more on that later as well, it deserves its own post. It may be a little hippy-ish, but I love it.
Besides exhaustion, having a new baby means aching nipples (for me). Constantly clogged milk ducts, engorged breasts. There will be another post of this to come. And no - it isn't due to a bad latch or feeding, it has to do with a medical condition.
LO is working on doubling her birth weight by the time she reaches two months. She is currently weighing in at almost 13lbs and she is 7 weeks old. We are about to transition from 3 month clothes to 6 months. She can hold her head up pretty regularly, however she still has a little floppy head. She eats about every 2 hours around the clock still. Better than when it was every one hour by far, but we are still hoping to get her to sleep longer at night. This week we are going to start a bedtime routine for her and hope that helps her recognize when it is time for long stretches of sleep.
Her routine is going to be getting a bath (she just learned to like this last week), new diaper, new outfit, getting warmed up and cuddled. Reading a book (we just went and picked out six for her today: one on space, pokey little puppy, a zombie kid's book, the beast and his friend, you know fun titles. After the book is done, we will change her diaper if necessary, feed her, rock her to sleep and put her to bed at about 9pm. Eventually she will then sleep from 9pm until around 7am every day. She will probably wake up once to feed during that time. Everyone can then get better sleep, DH and I will get an hour or so to ourselves and will get to bed by 11pm instead of 2am when she is finally ready to sleep.
And we are now exclusively cloth diapering. I'll write more on that later as well, it deserves its own post. It may be a little hippy-ish, but I love it.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
The Birth.
It happened, she finally arrived with a little assistance. I had been telling my doctors that I needed something to ripen my cervix up in order to go into labor because with all the contractions I was having, I know it wouldn't dilate fast itself. In fact I dilated about a centimeter a month. And so finally at 40w2d they allowed me to have an induction. DH and I got to the hospital at 8pm and I was already dilated to a 2 and having contractions 3-4 minutes apart. The contractions just weren't strong enough.
The doctors thought if they could further the dilation, I could go into active labor on my own and attempted to insert the foley bulb - three painful times. The foley bulb is catheter placed in the vagina and through both sides of the cervix. A balloon on the end is then inflated and every 30 minutes a nurse yanks on it, forcing your cervix open. Unfortunately it could not be properly placed in me and they offered to let me go home. I declined and said I would not be leaving without a baby.
We then monitored my contractions for another 30 minutes without me moving and they slowed down to every 6 minutes. They would allow me at this point to try either cervadil or cytotec. The doctor on call really tried to push the cytotec, but I would not have it. It is a pill inserted into your vagina that the body absorbs and helps the cervix out. It generally causes pretty intense contractions and cannot be taken out. The company that manufactures it states it is not safe to use in this fashion and the FDA does not approve the use of it either. So we went with cervadil - a gel placed on a tampon that can be taken out. Normally it is in you for 12 hours and requires a 2nd dose to do anything. Lucky me, that is not what happened!
After 2 hours I asked for it to be removed, my contractions were entirely too strong and one on top of the other. It was pulled out and I was having extreme anxiety from the pain. My nurse decided to give an IV drug that helps for about 30-1hr minutes and you can only get every hour. It works less the more you get it. It took a few minutes to hit and then I had to sit down. I remember saying, oh this is a good drug, this is really good. But after the first dose I labored for four hours naturally. I walked, got in a jacuzzi tub, rocked in a chair. Moaned and said "ow" very loudly over and over. Until I couldn't take it anymore and got another shot of the drug. At that point, my lovely nurse (every nurse I saw was incredibly nice and helpful and didn't mind my loud pain noises or constant calling of them to my room for help) ordered my epidural. I was still only dilated to about a 3 and knew when my water broke the contractions would get worse and I couldn't deal with a higher level of pain.
Another hour later and the epidural people arrived and I cried and tried not to panic because the thought of it terrified me. DH got to hold my feet, the nurse held my hand and I held onto a pillow. Really it wasn't a terrible process, I don't want to do it again, it was uncomfortable and at times painful, but we all made it through. The worse part is that the epidural formula didn't actually work for me, so I had to get a bonus shot of extra drugs every few hours to help it out. My doula arrived right after this was put in.
At this point, I got in a short nap during which time my water broke by itself. I felt one small gush, but my legs were incredibly numb from the epidural. In fact, I couldn't even move my right leg at all and it made me slightly anxious. I made sure either my doula or DH was with me at all times because I hated that loss of control. I still felt some contractions - especially when the bonus shot wore off. I rolled in between different positions on the bed and then we realized Magoo was still slightly turned in the wrong direction. I had to lie on my left side with my leg thrown over me onto a table and propped up by multiple pillows. At some point during that she turned the correct way.
The rest of the labor is pretty much a blur to me. I remember the doctors, my original nurse (I think we cycled through 5 during the course of the labor), a student nurse, my doula and DH all there telling me it was time to push. I tried to concentrate on staying quiet and focusing my energy into the actual push. We tried a few different positions. I constantly asked where she was to try to determine how much longer the pushing would take. I was exhausted because I basically had been awake for 48 hours. At some point my epidural wore off and the contractions were so painful I couldn't even push. Somewhere down the line I passed out - apparently for 30-45 minutes because of the exhaustion. I had to get an oxygen mask. I woke up to my doctors telling me either I had to have vacuum assist or pitocin to help get Magoo out because she was distressed. Because of a bump in my pelvis, every time I pushed unless I could push hard enough to get her pass that, she slid back to where she started. DH kept saying pitocin pitocin and I, not realizing at that point exactly what it would do, knew I couldn't handle stronger contractions and said no. They went to do a vacuum assist, but before they could somehow I started screaming and pushing for what seemed like forever. They did assist getting her out, but much more minimally than expected. There was a lot of stretching and some burning, but honestly the actual arrival of her hurt a thousand times less than the contractions to get to that point.
My doctor placed her on me and helped pump the cord blood into her because they didn't want to wait for it to be done. I had to have her taken off because I was nauseated (I threw up 3 times during labor) and the weight of her on my stomach was making it a lot worse. I remember asking if I could take my legs down (they were stitching up a tear I had) and then DH doing some skin to skin time with her while I couldn't. Eventually my legs got to be put down, I threw up again and I held Magoo again. She was a lovely 8lbs 2ozs and 20.5 inches long. A pretty darn good size baby - without a name.
The last part of my labor came when we all realized I couldn't pee on my own yet and hadn't gone in over 4 hours. With a constant IV drip, that was a problem. I had to have my catheter put back in and they took 700mL of urine out of my bladder. In other words, A LOT. I then started having pain from the catheter so they took it back out - apparently my bladder went into spasms from holding so much and then emptying.
So after 24 hours of active labor and 4 hours of actively pushing, a baby was born on the 21st. Here's to Ellowyn.
The doctors thought if they could further the dilation, I could go into active labor on my own and attempted to insert the foley bulb - three painful times. The foley bulb is catheter placed in the vagina and through both sides of the cervix. A balloon on the end is then inflated and every 30 minutes a nurse yanks on it, forcing your cervix open. Unfortunately it could not be properly placed in me and they offered to let me go home. I declined and said I would not be leaving without a baby.
We then monitored my contractions for another 30 minutes without me moving and they slowed down to every 6 minutes. They would allow me at this point to try either cervadil or cytotec. The doctor on call really tried to push the cytotec, but I would not have it. It is a pill inserted into your vagina that the body absorbs and helps the cervix out. It generally causes pretty intense contractions and cannot be taken out. The company that manufactures it states it is not safe to use in this fashion and the FDA does not approve the use of it either. So we went with cervadil - a gel placed on a tampon that can be taken out. Normally it is in you for 12 hours and requires a 2nd dose to do anything. Lucky me, that is not what happened!
After 2 hours I asked for it to be removed, my contractions were entirely too strong and one on top of the other. It was pulled out and I was having extreme anxiety from the pain. My nurse decided to give an IV drug that helps for about 30-1hr minutes and you can only get every hour. It works less the more you get it. It took a few minutes to hit and then I had to sit down. I remember saying, oh this is a good drug, this is really good. But after the first dose I labored for four hours naturally. I walked, got in a jacuzzi tub, rocked in a chair. Moaned and said "ow" very loudly over and over. Until I couldn't take it anymore and got another shot of the drug. At that point, my lovely nurse (every nurse I saw was incredibly nice and helpful and didn't mind my loud pain noises or constant calling of them to my room for help) ordered my epidural. I was still only dilated to about a 3 and knew when my water broke the contractions would get worse and I couldn't deal with a higher level of pain.
Another hour later and the epidural people arrived and I cried and tried not to panic because the thought of it terrified me. DH got to hold my feet, the nurse held my hand and I held onto a pillow. Really it wasn't a terrible process, I don't want to do it again, it was uncomfortable and at times painful, but we all made it through. The worse part is that the epidural formula didn't actually work for me, so I had to get a bonus shot of extra drugs every few hours to help it out. My doula arrived right after this was put in.
At this point, I got in a short nap during which time my water broke by itself. I felt one small gush, but my legs were incredibly numb from the epidural. In fact, I couldn't even move my right leg at all and it made me slightly anxious. I made sure either my doula or DH was with me at all times because I hated that loss of control. I still felt some contractions - especially when the bonus shot wore off. I rolled in between different positions on the bed and then we realized Magoo was still slightly turned in the wrong direction. I had to lie on my left side with my leg thrown over me onto a table and propped up by multiple pillows. At some point during that she turned the correct way.
The rest of the labor is pretty much a blur to me. I remember the doctors, my original nurse (I think we cycled through 5 during the course of the labor), a student nurse, my doula and DH all there telling me it was time to push. I tried to concentrate on staying quiet and focusing my energy into the actual push. We tried a few different positions. I constantly asked where she was to try to determine how much longer the pushing would take. I was exhausted because I basically had been awake for 48 hours. At some point my epidural wore off and the contractions were so painful I couldn't even push. Somewhere down the line I passed out - apparently for 30-45 minutes because of the exhaustion. I had to get an oxygen mask. I woke up to my doctors telling me either I had to have vacuum assist or pitocin to help get Magoo out because she was distressed. Because of a bump in my pelvis, every time I pushed unless I could push hard enough to get her pass that, she slid back to where she started. DH kept saying pitocin pitocin and I, not realizing at that point exactly what it would do, knew I couldn't handle stronger contractions and said no. They went to do a vacuum assist, but before they could somehow I started screaming and pushing for what seemed like forever. They did assist getting her out, but much more minimally than expected. There was a lot of stretching and some burning, but honestly the actual arrival of her hurt a thousand times less than the contractions to get to that point.
My doctor placed her on me and helped pump the cord blood into her because they didn't want to wait for it to be done. I had to have her taken off because I was nauseated (I threw up 3 times during labor) and the weight of her on my stomach was making it a lot worse. I remember asking if I could take my legs down (they were stitching up a tear I had) and then DH doing some skin to skin time with her while I couldn't. Eventually my legs got to be put down, I threw up again and I held Magoo again. She was a lovely 8lbs 2ozs and 20.5 inches long. A pretty darn good size baby - without a name.
The last part of my labor came when we all realized I couldn't pee on my own yet and hadn't gone in over 4 hours. With a constant IV drip, that was a problem. I had to have my catheter put back in and they took 700mL of urine out of my bladder. In other words, A LOT. I then started having pain from the catheter so they took it back out - apparently my bladder went into spasms from holding so much and then emptying.
So after 24 hours of active labor and 4 hours of actively pushing, a baby was born on the 21st. Here's to Ellowyn.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Come and Go.
Everyone thought Magoo would arrive early: "You're having too many contractions to last much longer, "you'll be back this weekend," or "it won't be more than two weeks." Here we are with Magoo still kicking around my uterus and other organs days past when she was supposed to arrive. I really am not surprised, I never anticipated my body being able to get into gear and jumpstart labor on its own. Obviously Magoo has been trying, but either she is half-hearted in her attempts or my body rejects them.
So this brings me to: No, I haven't had the baby yet so stop asking. If Magoo was born and you didn't know, there is a reason for that. It doesn't matter what that reason is, I don't want you to know. So asking will accomplish nothing but a further invasion of privacy. Especially if it comes with, "I'm impatient, I can't wait anymore." Two words there: F*** You. Suddenly you remember a baby is due about this time (let's face it, due dates are due weeks and should be counted two weeks before and after the date. Nobody can say a baby is due on one specific date). But I'm the pregnant one, I'm the one doing the work so she can do hers. I'm the one who has felt sick or been in pain for 40 weeks (no exaggeration, I knew I was pregnant on day 3). So don't tell me you can't wait any longer.
And don't think its okay to ask a pregnant woman a question that you wouldn't ask any other person walking down the street. Because it isn't, it is still rude. Just because a woman can grow a child doesn't mean she is public domain. Don't touch her, don't ask personal questions. Don't ask when she is due. Don't tell her that her belly is huge and she must be due soon or carrying twins. Don't tell her how lucky she is to have a small stomach or tell her she looks tiny. That is also rude. If you have something to say it should be "Congratulations" or "you look so healthy." Or smile and keep walking. Don't park in pregnant parking spots, don't try to run her over while she slowly walks through a crosswalk. Don't make her stand on a bus while you sit. Luckily, I have been pretty lucky in the NW. Very few people have asked me when I was due. We don't have spots for pregnant women to park so that doesn't matter. And generally people either let me ahead of them in line or a cashier will open up for me so I don't have to wait. People here get boundaries.
So, what this means is relax. I have had to. DH has to. Everyone has to. You'll get the information you want on my timeline or not at all. It is pretty simple really. And even as I finish this post, guess what? The only baby here is the one in utero and the sad puppy on the couch. My, oh my.
So this brings me to: No, I haven't had the baby yet so stop asking. If Magoo was born and you didn't know, there is a reason for that. It doesn't matter what that reason is, I don't want you to know. So asking will accomplish nothing but a further invasion of privacy. Especially if it comes with, "I'm impatient, I can't wait anymore." Two words there: F*** You. Suddenly you remember a baby is due about this time (let's face it, due dates are due weeks and should be counted two weeks before and after the date. Nobody can say a baby is due on one specific date). But I'm the pregnant one, I'm the one doing the work so she can do hers. I'm the one who has felt sick or been in pain for 40 weeks (no exaggeration, I knew I was pregnant on day 3). So don't tell me you can't wait any longer.
And don't think its okay to ask a pregnant woman a question that you wouldn't ask any other person walking down the street. Because it isn't, it is still rude. Just because a woman can grow a child doesn't mean she is public domain. Don't touch her, don't ask personal questions. Don't ask when she is due. Don't tell her that her belly is huge and she must be due soon or carrying twins. Don't tell her how lucky she is to have a small stomach or tell her she looks tiny. That is also rude. If you have something to say it should be "Congratulations" or "you look so healthy." Or smile and keep walking. Don't park in pregnant parking spots, don't try to run her over while she slowly walks through a crosswalk. Don't make her stand on a bus while you sit. Luckily, I have been pretty lucky in the NW. Very few people have asked me when I was due. We don't have spots for pregnant women to park so that doesn't matter. And generally people either let me ahead of them in line or a cashier will open up for me so I don't have to wait. People here get boundaries.
So, what this means is relax. I have had to. DH has to. Everyone has to. You'll get the information you want on my timeline or not at all. It is pretty simple really. And even as I finish this post, guess what? The only baby here is the one in utero and the sad puppy on the couch. My, oh my.
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