For the Strong-Willed.

A friend of mine asked me for advice about being a Mom. Real advice. The kind of advice that people call honest. Luckily, that is all I have when it comes to parenting. I really don't think I could sugarcoat it and make it seem like its all glamorous. Because right now, we very rarely have glamor. Some days I settle for survival.

Before I give my advice, let me say that I completely understand everything below is personal to me. Not every mother-child, mother-self, parent-parent relationship will be the same. In fact, it would be an impossibility. So this advice that follows is not necessarily ever going to be relevant to you. Especially if you are going to be a out-of-the-home working mama.

- Get your sleep in now. Seriously. I haven't gotten a straight night of sleep in since pre-pregnancy when I didn't have to get up to pee all the time. And I haven't gotten more than about 4 hours of sleep in a row since two days before my daughter was born.

- Know what and when growth spurts and wonder weeks are. Growth spurts are physical growth spurts, your kid is bulking up, getting longer and stronger. Wonder weeks are intellectual spurts where new mental capacity is being learned. With both your baby is f-u-s-s-y crankypants. Knowing it is going to end and how to help makes it bearable.

- You may hate breastfeeding. I was told it would feel like a kiss to my nipple. Egggggghhhh, wrong answer. For me it feels more like rug burn. And when the milk comes in, supposedly some people feel calm, almost like they are high. I feel like a thousand needles are coming in with force and about to explode out my breast. So I hate the physical side of breastfeeding. BUT, I love the emotional bond, the fact that its free and that it is the best option for us. (And that its an excuse to get her back from people, only I can feed her!)

- If you can do it, pump and store milk so your partner can share night feedings. I physically have no problem doing so, I have a supply in the freezer. But I can't stand the thought of my daughter having a bottle or someone else feeding her. And I can't sleep through her noises, so I'd be up anyways. But having the ability to get 4 hours of straight sleep instead of being up every 2 can make a big difference.

- I did not bond immediately with LO. There was no rush of emotion as they put her on my belly. It took me a few weeks to feel that overwhelming love everyone feels. There is nothing wrong with that.

- While I suffered only from minor postpartum depression/anxiety, know that it can happen and be prepared. I had my therapist, my doctors and DH ready and asked them to tell me if they thought I needed medication. I trust their opinions and my doctor did tell me once he thought I may need it. I refused saying it was too early to jump on the bandwagon and DH agreed so I stayed medication free.

- I highly recommend placenta encapsulation. Yes, in practice it is gross. But you don't know you are ingesting it and the benefits are amazing. It definitely helped with postpartum emotions and increases my milk supply.

- You will get exhausted. Just be ready for it. I have gotten so tired that I will sit down and cry. I ran a red light because I didn't even know there was a light there (luckily it had just switched and was not busy). When I get tired, I also get extremely angry. Have your coping mechanisms ready.

- Cloth diaper. It sounds gross, the first few times you go to wash them it is gross. But its better for your  baby's skin, the environment and saves money. $200 for all the diapers we need for multiple babies. My water and electric bill have not gone up and I wash 2x a week.

- Right at this second, someone is telling me how much harder it is to be a working mom. Because they work 40+ hours a week outside the home and then do all the same things a sahm does. Neither one is easy and for different reasons. But being a sahm Mom is not easy. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you accomplish nothing for the day but having a fed and happy baby, that is allowed to be enough. A working Mom doesn't do a lot of the same things a sahm does.

- You are going to have to ask for help. Well maybe. I only ask for help from DH. Other people offer help, but I have a really hard time accepting it. My daughter is my responsibility, so I should be the one not sleeping, not going out, not doing whatever. But you have to do those things to keep your sanity. So accept the help.

- Keep open communication with your partner. If you are exhausted, angry, depressed, happy, thrilled about something. If he isn't hearing you or you have a suggestion on how to make things easier. It may not fix anything, but at least I can say I am so tired and DH will say, I'll take her this weekend so you can sleep in. Or he at least knows I am in a sour mood and to be weary!

- My body is wider. I have stretch marks. I'm still in pain moving around (3 months after giving birth). My body feels different. I have some extra weight. None of it really bothers me that much. Mostly the extra weight, I can't wait to exercise again and tone my body up. And I wish I had a new wardrobe because even though my clothes fit, they fit differently.

- This is hard. Being a Mom is really freaking hard. Is she growing, is she sick, is she teething? What if I can't make her better? Oh my gosh, she is crying real tears! She still eats every two hours around the clock, when will it stop? There are so many small things that make it physically and emotionally draining. All the worry, all the unknowns.

- Advise your partner and be advised by them. I am highly familiar with babies. DH was not. So if I tell him how to change a diaper, activities LO may like to do or why she is crying he listens and acts accordingly. One day maybe he will remember each of these things:)

- It is true. It is worth it. After a really hard day and you go to bed wondering what you have gotten yourself into. That you can't take the lack of sleep and the crying and how unhappy your baby seems, you wake up and she is smiling, blowing bubbles, jabbering and eventually laughing. That makes the upcoming bad day you know is coming worth it. And when you forget, you hopefully get another morning like that to remind you.

I'm sure there are more things. And my view on things will also be skewed because I am a crunchy mom (see next post). Perhaps I will occasionally update with advice I find relevant because I know it will always change.

Oh, last one. Find your thing that is comforting and relaxing. It has to be something you can do while taking care of your baby because you don't always get a break. For me, its a really good cup of coffee. If LO is having a bad day and screaming and feels horrible and I am on my last straw, a cup of coffee can make be remember to breathe again. Especially when DH makes it while taking care of LO or brings me home my favorite (or close to favorite depending on where his drive is) pre-made coffee so I can just sit back and relax. And I make sure to get a shower in every night before bed while DH watches her. That is my one 15 minute break a day I get. It would be longer if our hot water lasted longer than 10 minutes:) !

PS: Do enjoy it, all of it! I love watching DH with her because they are amazing together. (And remind each other you really are good parents). And I always want to smack people when they say, oh it goes by so quickly, enjoy it when they are little. $&*$%&@ $(%(*@#!!% would be my immediate reaction. But its totally true. She is three months and I think, wow that did go by quickly. She already wants to cuddle less, she wants to play at the same time she eats. And she is huge.

I try to document every month birthday (haha lame lame) with a fun photo. I up my standard every month to create something even more fun. This will continue as long as she allows me to do it and then become a yearly thing I think. But I put in her favorite things (generally what she has learned in the last month), her weight and what I think she may be when she grows up based on her current favorite skill. Then when I look back I will know exactly when she hit certain milestones or what kind of baby she was when.

And just remember, no matter what you choose to do you are a fantastic Mom/Dad. It doesn't matter if you are exhausted and crying. If you are angry and swear in front of your LO (she won't know the word yet anyways), if you feel overwhelmed. If you are depressed or anxious or lonely or anywhere in between. If overall, you have a happy, growing baby who is healthy (or you are trying to get healthy, god forbid), you are a good Mom and a good Dad.