A Long Time Coming.

It has been almost three weeks since my last post, I sincerely apologize for my laziness. My goal is to write at least twice a week (let's see how that goes!). I have been having a difficult month and not really acknowledging it, but rather being overtaken by the emotions of it. My anger was extremely overbearing the last three weeks with a little depression added in for flavor. I'm sure many of you probably noticed it in my posts thus far, they aren't the most uplifting. Friday, my therapist told me, "Stacy, you are suffering. I can see you are really suffering. What else has to go wrong for you to change?" I told her maybe the house collapsing, but then took that back because I would take that as a good thing (hahaha, but true). I didn't know. I got home, worked out and then the irony hit. DH got off of worked and came home to tell me he lost his job. We had until the end of May. This came as a shock to both of us because it wasn't what we were being told would happen by his superiors, in fact it was never even seen as an option by them. So we have a house, bills, animals, baby, cancer-ridden FIL and soon to have no income or health care. Yikes. That was what else had to go wrong. We researched how to get health care for me, food stamps, WIC, etc so that we could at least afford the pregnancy. I called doctor's offices and labs to find out how much things cost without insurance. We both started applying to jobs. Then Chris got a 6 week extension, so now we have until July 12th. Not perfect, but much better. We have time to save a few dollars, get through Magoo's anatomy scan and find jobs that will line up with when we need the money. Still stressful, but the bomb isn't ticking yet. I guess this isn't a post just about Magoo (who as far as we know is doing swimmingly in my uterus), but to keep your fingers crossed and your prayers open that we will piece this together. Perhaps for the first time in three years, DH and I can have a piece of stability.

A Few Things for Magoo.

It's a puppy and a blanket.

The diaper bag (the other side has pockets).

Frog sleeping sack? Yes, Please!

Magoo in a Heart.

A Week Later.

It has now been a week, a very very busy week, since moving into our first house. Unfortunately, Mom-to-Be (though I think such a thing doesn't exist, you are a mom from the moment you take on the task of being pregnant) didn't plan well. I didn't set aside enough food and I definitely did not set aside enough liquids. After our first load, we bought pizza for all the helpers and I scarfed down THREE pieces! I usually have trouble finishing one. And it was so greasy, the first slice, the grease dripped all over my hands, my dress and my pants. Yuck.

So the move happened. We still aren't out of our apartment and need to pay bills in two separate places. Stressful. And rebuild our savings. Because I got a little dehydrated and stressed (I don't adapt quickly or gracefully), my morning sickness came back fiercely. My in-laws came over to see the house Sunday night - and the washer/dryer they bought us - and brought over dinner for all of us. Very sweet of them. I didn't eat their dinner because it contained rice (note earlier post). I did however have a lot of vomit later that night. This will be TMI for many people, but I find it funny. My vomit consisted of soup, milkshake and gatorade and somehow was strangely thick. I hadn't finished my soup so DH had dumped it in the sink (forgetting we don't have a garbage disposal perhaps?) Needless to say, I throw up in trash cans and sinks - the thought of having my head in a toilet disgusts me enough to maintain throwing up non-stop. So he dumped thick vomit on the noodles, which of course plugged up the sink. And it was a lot of vomit. I gathered myself and offered to stick my hands in there to unplug, but DH put on a pair of latex gloves and did the dirty work while completely grossing himself out. It was hilarious. End of TMI.

I spent the next few days after the move barely moving from bed to couch. Trying to drink enough fluids and eat enough food. Wednesday, I had blood drawn and my thyroid was very high so my prescription was lowered. I also brought back some items from the apartment, got a package of super cute baby things (I will post pictures in a few minutes), and apparently pulled/tore a muscle in my leg because all the inactivity from hemorrhages and nausea made my muscles that weak. I know this because Thursday, I called to ask if consistant calf pain in one calf was normal in pregnancy because I was limping a little. Needless to say, I immediately had to go to the doctor, which turned into an immediate send to the hospital for a doppler on my leg to make sure there were no blood clots. Family history, pregnancy and a blood clot in my uterus put me at higher risk. But there was no blood clot. It is something with my muscle. Now I go back in on Monday to go over some blood test results that were off and have my 12 week follow up.

That's right I am TWELVE weeks (well I will be in 2 hours)! One more week and my first trimester is over. A third of the way done. Even better, we had our NT scan this morning as well. I heard from a girl yesterday who had a clot in her uterus like mine, we were two of the only ones not to bleed. She lost her baby because the placenta couldn't attach through the bleed. Needless to say, not what I needed to hear. Our genetic counselor was very lovely and told us she thought we had normal family history and nothing to worry about. Then the ultrasound. The wand went down, I saw my baby and she didn't move! I freaked out a little and then realized it was how the wand was being held, phew. Because Magoo thinks she is a rock star. The tech and the doctor had trouble getting good pictures because she moved WAY too much. Steady heart rate of 161. I could see the heart pumping in her chest, her bladder was empty (which means she recently peed into me), her brain was developed. The doctor said she looked as normal as normal could get. I also had to give blood and should get the results of that soon, which will tell me the statistical risk factors for different genetic problems that may arise. All-in-all it was a fairly good day. I just finished my jamba juice, we have a working washer and dryer. We have new locks on our doors and a stove coming on Tuesday (ugh - the previous owners did NOT care for their appliances in any form at all and some, like the stove, was left in basic non-working condition. Something we did not anticipate or would have been asked for some money back). Tonight DH is making me ham, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob and gravy. Sounds freaking delicious, but with the rate my stomach is two bites in I'll be full!

I have twelve more ounces of fluid I need to drink, a full bladder and we are waking up to see The Avengers hoping the theatre will be less crowded (for me, DH could care less). Then a weekend to unpack. I actually emptied a suitcase today. That is a big wow:)

Growing.

I know it has been a long time since I posted (sorry!). The pregnancy is still a pregnancy: hormonal, trying to eat, trying to drink, trying not to throw up. You know, the usual. On a random note, my boobs are huge. I switched to sports bras quite awhile ago because mine quickly stopped fitting and I am not going to spend money for new ones when every week they seem to go up a cup. It is ridiculous. This better be one hungry baby.

I did call my doctor's office to tell them drinking 60+oz of fluid a day was just not going to happen. It has nothing to do with nausea or vomiting and everything to do with the fact I just cannot fit that kind of liquid into my body. Every time I have hit 60oz, I ended up throwing at least 20oz back up (along with all the food I ate that day of course). They told me maybe I just don't need as much fluid to stay hydrated, but don't want to put me on a weekly IV yet because that ups my risk of catching something. So I keep trying.

In big news, DH and I, tomorrow, will be official homeowners. Like for real we will almost own a house - after we pay off the mortgage. That's really why we got preggers, to sell the first kid off in return for the house (joking, joking). We are (DH is) trying to pack and work full time and go to school. I feel really accomplished if I pack two boxes a day. Today, I went to the store to schedule our washer/dryer delivery (thank you in-laws!), and packed up my entire closet and nightstand. I literally have to take a solid 15+ minute rest in between each box because it is exhausting. So trying to pack is really stressful. I can't lift heavy things and we have about 10 people coming over Saturday to help with the move. This means it should go quickly and I will probably be shoving the last bits of crap into boxes while they move out what is packed. Then I can just take a nap on the floor at the house while they bring stuff in.

Tomorrow, DH gets the keys and comes to pick me up. From that point we have to go clean the house. We thought in good etiquette, the previous owners would clean. But, uh, yeah. The microwave is so astoundingly disgusting we may go buy a new one. I am pretty sure they put some sort of animal in there and it exploded and then dripped down allllll over the stovetop. It smells that way and its kind of an old brownish-orange color. DH will be taking on that one or I'll just keep voming on top of it. The floors need to be cleaned, the bathroom needs to be cleaned. We'll need to finish packing. DH probably won't sleep so he can finish that up because it will be impossible for me to pull at all-nighter. Magoo isn't ready for that yet.

Really, I just kind of wonder. We're married, we have a kid on the way, a dog, a cat, possibly another dog (a small one that is cheap to feed, but gives Captain a friend to play with in the backyard so that he won't feel left out with the kid when he gets less attention). We have a half a fence at a house we sort of own, our own washer and dryer. I'm almost 30. We are broke. And I still feel like I am 13. I just wonder if you always feel like a kid even though you are taking on so so so much it could break you if you think about it. I know DH is close to being there and I have obviously already been there before, but I can't risk it right now with Magoo needing a calm home. Some days it is hard to not go there.

I am hoping when we hit the 2nd trimester (2 weeks-ish to go) that I start to have energy again. That I can breath while I walk again. That I can craft and get things ready for this kid. And craft to sell. And write to make money. And pull myself together. And help DH pull himself together. Growing has its perks, but it's definitely hard. Definitely.

Vomiting Tips:

Don't brush tongue when nauseated.

Never ever eat rice. Worst thing ever.
Corn chips are almost as bad.
Don't eat what you crave when you know it can't end well (ie fake nacho cheese).

A Follow-Up of Stress.

Today I followed up with a doctor after getting fluids pumped into me on Friday. She said based on being pregnant, anxious and not eating or drinking enough my symptoms are exactly what she would expect. I am to first try to stay calm: prenatal yoga, benedryl for stressful days, etc. Then to drink 60 ounces of fluid a day; the type of fluid does not matter at this point, just get it in me. Then to eat whatever I crave be it healthy or not. She said first I need to get nutrients in me, then we can worry about what they are. And the baby will take what it needs without worrying about me, which is why I am low energy, dizzy and unable to walk more than twenty feet. So we went out today and bought a snow cone machine for $17, a bag of ice and two flavors. I have been drinking 30oz of gatorade a day, 10oz of juice and just need to add in 20 more. A snow cone will be at least another 8, along with either ice cream or a strawberry fruit popsicle if I just add in one glass of water or lemonade I can hit that 60oz mark.

The loan on the house was approved today and we know the current owners have fixed the roof. We may be moving in as soon as 9 days - yikes! DH packed a total of two boxes today and I did none. I am avoiding it. The house is about 400 square feet larger than what we live in now - but it all went to a third bedroom and laundry area. The actual living space is pretty tiny. I'm finding myself incredibly stressed at where everything will fit and how we will get rid of things that we actually use. We'll have an extra bedroom, but it will be a nursery so it isn't like there is extra space there we can have. With only a small living room and a kitchen - not even a eat in kitchen - it kind of leaves communal space to be desired. I'm hoping we may be able to cheaply finish off the porch - it already has a roof over it - to make it a small eating area and sunroom. But that won't happen for quite sometime. It is beginning to feel claustrophobic.

On another somber note, we realized before Magoo gets here we will need to figure out how to afford a new-to-us car. My 15 year old Chevy isn't really cutting it anymore, the engine doesn't really rev up all the time and the engine trouble light has been on for almost 2 years. Mechanics can guess at three or four things that MAY be wrong with it, but fixing those will cost more than the car is worth. Plus trying to drag a kid in and out from a two door car isn't ideal either. Along with that, DH drives a car that a baby can't even be in. A sick fil, a new house, higher bills, new baby, new car? And me not working and DH without a guaranteed job. When did any of this sound like a smart idea again (okay so babies and ill fil's were obviously not ideas to consider one way or another. Those two are there to find strength, grow and survive, but all the rest)?