A Little - or a Lot - Scared.

Usually I go to bed, wake up at 4:27am (literally on the dot every day) to pee, fall back asleep and wake up again at 6:27am to go. Then I am okay until I wake up for good. Last night I had to pee every fifteen minutes. There is a little pain at the end and there is always a LOT of pee. Even if I haven't had anything to drink at some point. I also have a lot of pressure and fullness in my lower abdomen - about where that pesky bladder is. As someone who suffered from UTIs for almost a year without a break, I couldn't get to the doctor fast enough.

The friendly nurse hands me the cup to pee in and of course, like me, my bladder has performance anxiety. Sigh. I had to down a bottle of powerade, almost vomited on my doctor (his face was pretty awesome) and finally, finally got a few drops out. And guess what, no UTI. Not even one sign of a UTI. My pee was a little golden, but otherwise lovely. So now I have these gross symptoms with no cause, which means no fix. How can you not worry that it is something wrong with Magoo? I can't. I have no idea what my body is doing. Literally, this is the hard part of pregnancy. I have no idea what is happening to me or my baby. I wish I had a glass torso and glass uterus so I could always know exactly what Magoo is doing. Or how my body is trying to fuck itself up this time.

My doctor told me to come back in tomorrow if the symptoms persist or get worse. I am kind of wondering if it is just my uterus causing stretching or my bladder irritated by the coffee I drank yesterday. Either way I hope as surprisingly as it came, it goes away. It is painful, irritating and frustrating. BUT in the best news of best news, my first ultrasound is Tuesday. I just, in this moment, realized that is a mere five days away! In five days my baby should have a first picture, a heartbeat I can hear and little arm nubs poking out of its dinosaur looking body. Gosh I can't wait.

Rarrr means love in dinosaur, baby. Rarrrr.