Absentee Brain

I really thought I had posted in October, I specifically remember thinking I posted about having 27 days left until I am full term. Obviously, this was either imagined or forgotten (pregnancy brain has landed), but was well-intentioned. Today is October 10 so I have only 17 days until full-term.

In the past few weeks a few things have happened:

Ultrasound: Magoo's kidneys are not doing well. The doctor's call them 'juicy.' This means that they are backlogged and the urine is causing them to swell instead of emptying fully into her bladder. She will definitely need antibiotics at birth, an ultrasound at 2 weeks and quite possibly surgery. It isn't the end all, but isn't ideal. We have a follow up ultrasound in a few more weeks and hopefully they haven't gotten any worse (it isn't expected that they will get better at this point). Luckily, the doctors have seen worse, which is always good.

Appointments: Everything seems to be going well otherwise. At 37w she can make her appearance (though at this point if I went into labor it wouldn't be stopped). Ideally she comes around 38w. Because of my thyroid problems, I will be induced if by my due date she hasn't come. I have a higher chance for delivering a stillborn than most people, so letting her go over isn't in anyone's best interest. That means by November 17th (unless labor is crazy long), a baby will be here.

My next appointment is in a week. I am gaining an insane amount of weight (8lbs in 10 days) so I am a little worried to get weighed in next week. My blood pressure has also risen from low to normal, but it has to be monitored because if it continues to rise it will get too high prior to my delivery date.

Magoo has a head full of hair, a perfectly round torso, a seemingly lovely thyroid (though it hasn't been seen and we don't know if its functioning) and loves loves loves to roll around. My uterus and ribs feel it. She is also head down and ready to roll (I think she can still drop farther however, but at least things are started). I learned a few days ago that if the baby can drop into position in your pelvis, then its wide enough to deliver vaginally. So things are looking good there.

Until then, meeting other new Mom's, going out at least once a week to socialize and finish projects before her arrival. All the sewing has been completed (planned sewing at least), now I am trying to finishing the last knitting project I had planned and started. Clothes are washed, diapers are prepped. If DH gets the dresser sanded this weekend, I can paint it next week and maybe in two weekends we can have an organized nursery. I can only hope!

Mother's Unite.

I've been staying at home for too long, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and what I am capable of doing. Then seeing how these two things can mesh. Things were falling into place until the pregnancy happened - not that the pregnancy was out of the blue, but definitely earlier than we thought (how many people get knocked up on the first not trying to not try attempt?). So what I was putting into place no longer worked.

A study was just completed this year because Portland has been nicknamed the place where young people come to retire. It turns out, people who come to Portland just want a laid back, environmentally friendly city that is relatively accepting of everyone. We are actually one of the most underpaid major cities in the country and people are okay with that because of the environment. But that means, even with a Master's, I could never make enough money to cover the costs of daycare. I may break even, but why work just to afford some other person watching our kid? This means I will continue to stay at home with our daughter, hoping to find some online job to do to make extra money because ends are not meeting. Even with a strict budget, once DH and I add in our student loans, the bills will outweigh all our income. That is stressful.

So right now I am getting together a page to sell crafty things - we need to put together a lot to be able to afford the birth I want, the little things babies need and the big things an old house needs. Writing little articles and doing what I can. And I am starting to meet other Mother's in the area. Because before when I was home figuring things out if I didn't like it the only person I had to blame was myself. I don't want to be at home, not doing things and blaming my daughter. I went to a meeting to meet other Mom's a couple weeks ago (luckily free since I didn't have a baby yet) and today met up with a couple other Mom's for a hike. The hard part is not being able to afford to do extra things, so having to do things that are free. But we are making it work and every person I met has been extremely friendly and welcoming. I am back to getting out there. Not in the way I expected and still trying to figure out how to be a parent, a friend and an adult (as in having more to do than just parent). And knowing I can't figure it out until she is born, we are acquainted, I know her personality and schedule and how things will work for us as a family. So 5 more weeks, c'mon! There is a full moon on October 29th. Everyone keep your fingers crossed!

Six Weeks, Two Days

until full term. Not necessarily birth as not one person can predict that (if you can please let me know). That is like 44 days. Pretty darn soon when its put that way.

Today I had my first ever visit with a chiropractor. I have been having a lot of pain in my back (what's new, right preggers ladies?). Massages, heat, cold, tylenol, DO. None of it really helped, so I gave into my slight fear of being bent awkwardly and wrongly. The dude was really nice - I told him no snapping my neck. So he used what he called a "jackhammer" on it instead. There was a lot of cracking, popping and discomfort. Even though my body is overly tense, it doesn't like being forced into the correct joint holes. Either way, I walked in with a somewhat waddle and walked out with swinging hips - even 8 months knocked up.

We also put up our decal last night over the crib. Definitely more work than we anticipated, a few hours worth. Not ideal when one of the people is pregnant and can't stand up on a stool with her arms in the air for more than a few minutes. A frustrated husband wondering why I can't hold it up and that he can't put it up if I don't help him. And taking breaks to lay on the floor while the blood went back to my head. But eventually it all worked out (picture to be posted). It will go perfectly with the curtains that we picked out for her.

And in the best of news, I finally figured out why my MIL's sewing machine hated me. A smart person would have figured this out much much sooner. It is a Viking and with my machine, I can use generic size bobbins. Whatever, make it work. Viking's require custom sized bobbins. So my generic ones were getting trapped. Now I can sew and sew quickly and it works. Baby quilt almost done. Then onto a cute little dress, a travel wetbag, a large wetbag and finishing the pillow for DH. Oh and maybe some bibs. And things to sell because extra money is definitely a necessity with a kid coming soon and student loan payments beginning up again. Being an adult is stressful. And my dog just let out a minute long fart next to my head, which means I need to move as fast as I can.

So let's focus on 44 days. 44 days and I *might* get my body back and a daughter to dress up for Halloween.

Growing, growing, grown.

Magoo and I ended up in Labor & Delivery triage two weeks ago. The combination of my back curving inward along with my abs weakening from stretching out causes me a lot of back pain. And then I began having a lot of abdominal pain with inconsistent contractions while exerting myself. I called my doctor wanting to pee in a cup (possible uti) and be checked for BV again. Last time, my only symptom was abdominal pain. Next thing I know they are telling me to go to L&D for preterm labor. I thought it was completely unnecessary, but having never been in labor before couldn't really say no. Magoo hated, hated, hated the monitor and kept thrashing it. The tests came back negative, there were no contractions and we were free to leave. It turned out the front pain was due to round ligament stretching - Magoo hit a growth spurt and my body was being forced to grow bigger in ways it was fighting.

DH and I then had our baby shower that weekend, which went very well. Only 9 people showed up - kind of the perfect number. We could talk to everyone, hang out and not be overwhelmed. My SIL planned the event and got delicious finger foods, onesies that our friends painted and a balloon game where the guests had to shape balloons into the shape of a baby. She had them do that while we were opening gifts because she knows I don't like people staring at my constantly. It ended up being quite relaxing, intimate and fun. And of course, our family and friends were extremely generous and we are grateful for that. Magoo will not need an outfit for the first few months of her life!

We also were about to get the crib ordered and it arrived this past weekend. DH and I took about thirty minutes to put that together (a solid ten minutes of that was spent when DH lost the tool it came with to put it together). It is a massive, massive, beautiful crib. We hope it ends up being the right taste for Magoo or DH said we will take it to use as our bedframe! Through the generosity of our family, we also secured a top rated car seat and her mattress. Now just to finish the dresser and we can start cleaning clothes, unpacking and getting the nursery organized. I will be full term in a mere(ish) nine weeks and we have a lot to clean and organize before then! Only a full house worth :)

And I believe we are hitting another growth spurt again - the abdominal pain is back, Magoo is moving less and when she does move its much stronger. I can't even imagine what it feels like when she reaches full birthing weight!

98 Days and Counting.

We have finally hit the double digits. That means half a year has gone by that I have been pregnant - that is a long, long time and we still have a third of the way left. But at least it is getting closer, six months done. Three months to go.

Today, DH and I spent the day having doctors who wanted more skills in doing ultrasounds looking at our baby. It was a long five hours - and something I did not anticipate was that after pressing on my abdomen for so long, I would get nauseated and lightheaded. I only lasted through half of my first session, needed a five minute break in my second session and then was able to last through the entire last session after putting my old first trimester tricks into play.

Through these ultrasounds we learned we are definitely having a girl. There is no question it is all labia and no penis. She is measuring on average a week ahead (yay!), which means basically nothing but leaves me hopeful maybe she will want to arrive early. Her brain cysts have disappeared. She has the most beautiful cerebellum they have ever seen and they anticipate her having amazing balance. She is textbook perfect. Except for her kidneys. The kidneys were quickly glanced at and the supervising doctor pointed out he thought they looked slightly enlarged/filled/off (I can't remember his exact wording). And he noticed it in both kidneys. So that problem has not yet corrected itself. She still has sometime and we will go in for her official follow up this Friday. I don't anticipate it will be better after today, but we are hopeful that the measurements at least stayed the same as where they were before or have gotten better. A movement in the right direction.

Besides letting us see glimpses of Magoo, the ultrasound study also paid us (wohoo!), offered a lunch (DH got some pitas, I was so jealous. They did not have gluten free options). And gave us gift bags that included: a bib, washcloth, rubber duckie (we are up to 5 now), a few diapers and 4 bottles. Not bad for a day's work.

Tomorrow (Monday) my goal will be to find a chiropractor - my lower back hates hard. Even with a heating pad on, it still aches. And then only 4 more days until our next follow up ultrasound. This one we pay for, but I'm going to try to convince them how much a picture of her sweet face in 3D is needed. They showed us a 2D one yesterday and it looked like she had a wider nose and chubby cheeks, but then 2D can't register fat, only bone. So who really knows.

The Natural Side of Birth.

DH and I met with our doula a week and a half ago to ask questions, get to know each other, etc. We decided to hire and work with her, so I will meet with her again this Friday to sign contracts, hand over the first part of the payment, etc. I don't know why insurance wouldn't cover such things. She will massage my back to help ease my pain. Help me in warm bathes/showers for the same reasons. Keep me calm and breathing. She will tell people to stay out of my room, remind my doctors of my birth plan and tell anyone off that I ask her too. She is my advocate. She will tell DH to leave and get food, make sure I am eating and drinking fluids regardless of what the hospital wants. Having a doula, more than doubles my chances that I make it through birth naturally. It will be unlikely I will need intervention and that saves the insurance a lot of money. Because pitocin leads to too many contractions too close together - meaning you'll need an epidural. It also leads to problems in both the baby and mother. The epidural means you won't feel much and labor slows down, which can lead to more pitocin. In most cases you end up with a C-Section. So a few hundred dollars for the doula, saves my health and the insurance company's pocketbook. Needless to say, I think this is a really good choice for me. My doula also is a therapist who specializes in anxiety and depression, which will be extra handy in my case.

Yesterday, I hired my placenta encapsulationist (PE). Yes, Dad, get ready for some placenta baking in the house :). Ideally, my parents will be here when I give birth. This way, my placenta can go from my uterus into a clean bag into a cooler and my parents can bring it to the house. PE would then meet them there and get the placenta ready to be dehydrated and she will be there for a few hours prepping. The placenta stays that way overnight and PE returns in the morning to finish the process. Then I have pills to help prevent PPD/PPA, prevent anemia, process more milk and more energy among other things. She will also do placenta prints and make a tincture that will last for years. If I do end up needing surgery, she will make a salve to help the incision heal faster. This is again another expensive process, but again benefits outweigh the cost. If taking these pills keeps me from having PPD/PPA, then I save a lot of harmful, not fun emotion. I bond better with my child. I won't need therapy. I won't need months of pills prescribed by doctors that come with side effects and withdraw symptoms. If my parents are not here when labor starts, then I will probably need to bring the placenta home with me along with Magoo and PE will start the process at that point. While not a big deal, that means I will have a few days without the benefits instead of being able to start them right away. I suppose that is the problem with not being able to have someone housesit for a few hours for you. Though if DH's friend doesn't have to work those couple of days, I bet he would dig watching the process and talking to PE about it. So who knows.

Either way, I have my birth plan and people lined up. Luckily, DH fully supports that these are two things that are important to me to do, no matter how weird and creepy it is (let's not overthink the details here). So we are saving money and I already feel calmer having my people picked out. Now to find out if my pelvis wants to cooperate with me.

Why, Hello There.

Somehow the past two weeks have actually gone by quickly. Perhaps it was DH being off of work or the two lovely newlyweds in town for a brief visit. Or maybe it was watching my belly button begin to, well, look more and more like a button. That's right, my innie is slowly working its way to become an outie. Right now its just the top that protrudes and I like to say to DH, "hey, hey, look at this," while pointing to the belly. Inhale, belly pops out. Exhale, belly sinks in. Continue to do until DH nervously laughs and says, "that's just weird."

And it is weird. Everything about pregnancy is weird. The fact that I am a full seven days constipated (tmi, I know). The fact that my stomach is huge. That a little person is kicking my ribs and punching my bladder. Right now, I am counting down to Saturday when we have another ultrasound. We haven't seen Magoo in almost 6 weeks. Then a few days after that, two more of my favorite people are visiting and we have our baby shower. And our follow up ultrasound to make sure Magoo's brain, kidney and thyroid are all on target.

I started prenatal yoga a few weeks ago and man, let's just say I inherited my father's ability for flexibility. Luckily, my doctors are more concerned that I am able to correctly breathe and could care less if I can do the poses. Breathing, yes, I can do that. One of my main goals with yoga was not only to find calmness, but to meet other pregnant ladies. While I have done that, we speak for about fifteen seconds each answering whatever question. It isn't really the bonding time I was hoping for. And the ladies don't seem to want to talk to me prior to class and everyone rushes out afterward. So maybe not the social hot spot, but I suppose there are more important things to get out of the class.

All in all, I think I am finally coming into being okay with the pregnancy and what is happening with my body - mentally and physically. I still have a little anxiety here and there - but who wouldn't? It is a major life change that nobody has any control over and feels different pregnancy to pregnancy. It's realistically a little scary if you think about it too much. So I am trying to stay busy, which is good, because that means time passes faster. Only a few more weeks until 30 weeks and from there only 7 more weeks until full term. Its almost palpable. Almost.