A Few Weeks Late.

So I didn't forget to post for a month, I did think about posting. Now here I am. We had our anatomy scan and just like I thought, we are having a girl! Very exciting for DH and I (and our course our families). But since we told the gender to our families (DH had to), we opted not to decide on a name until birth or tell anyone options until it is decided. Apparently when you become pregnant, the world thinks its their baby. I refuse to let anyone think that or get away with thinking that around me. At the end of the day, not only is this DH's and my baby, but more than that its still my body. And only my body. Nobody has any ownership of that. I'm lately irritated by a family member calling her MY baby (not as in mine, as in her's). I didn't know she was knocked up, too, but she better be. Because I am not sharing. What has become important in this past month is finding my voice and letting everyone - DH included - where I am willing to negotiate with my children. DH and I compromise and everyone else either accepts, agrees and is happy with it or doesn't. That has begun as DH and I work out details of Magoo's first months, holidays, etc.

In poor news, we will need to go back for a follow up ultrasound. She has a kidney that is backed up as well as cysts on the brain. We believe everything will fix itself, but if not, she may need surgery 72 hours after birth to help correct the problems. It could also signify Down's Syndrome, though the doctor thinks that is unlikely based on how her body is formed and her movements. Either way, I declined an amnio because perfect baby, chronic problem baby or Down's Syndrom baby, I wouldn't handle the pregnancy any differently than I am now.

For now we are getting things ready for Magoo, including the nursery. And the house. Having our baby shower in a month. Mostly enjoying her squirminess and kicking. Hating the back pain and counting down the months. One more week and we will be out of month six and onto month seven. Time needs to speed up!

The Night Before the Day.

Tomorrow is the big day: anatomy scan and 20w prenatal appointment. The biggest thing will be to find out we have a healthy baby on our hands - and then, if Magoo isn't modest, the gender. Then it will be onto my appointment where I can discuss my thyroid issues and how Magoo may be affected, find out if my thyroid is high and ask a bunch of other questions. It will end with DH getting his tetanus and whooping cough vaccine since he doesn't know when/if he has had either. Magoo will be born during the sickest time of the year with an immune system that will need time to strengthen (or, if like me, we will need time to find out if the baby will even have one). Because of this, I plan on baby-wearing a lot so that other people cannot sneeze, cough or get any other germs or their grimy yucky hands on my baby. I know that probably sounds rude and selfish and everyone wants the opportunity to hold the new baby. But not only do I want Magoo to have the chance to get strong to fight disease and start receiving vaccines (which won't be at 8 weeks and we will probably delay some so there are 8 different diseases pumped in there at once since many kids have reactions) and quite frankly, I am also extremely susceptible to getting sick as well and I don't want to be sick (plus then baby probably would get sick since I have every intention to breastfeed if it works out). So selfish, yes. I am not even sure what DH will say (we haven't discussed it yet). But at the end of the day, I am the mother and you are lucky I will even bring my baby over to your overcrowded, kid filled house (namely I am thinking of any family get together where all my school going nephews will be, including Christmas). I don't find the slight overprotectiveness should be a problem, I guess.

I have started having migraines again, so tomorrow my doctor will prescribe a pregnancy safe migraine medication for me. I was told earlier Vicodin was okay if not taken regularly, but apparently that may no longer be the case. I'm not sure what I will be able to take because I know the majority of them are related to a drug I have an intense reaction to and would never never take again.

DH also finally had his lunch interview with a company today. I don't think the job is as creative or exciting as he would want - it would be what he is doing now for a different company. But it would be stable and I think since they are an advertising company, there may be some variation in there that he doesn't have now. So he would at least like it, which is important. But we won't find out for a few days.

So keep your fingers crossed, knock on wood, make your puppy cross their toes, whatever it is you do for good luck, do it with us in mind please! Tomorrow is such a big day, healthy baby and maybe employment. No maybe's, definitely's. This week was meant to be good.

Old Wives Tales

I haven't believed any. How you carry, how bad your morning sickness is, peeing in baking soda, on cabbage or whatever other silly methods people have. Of course some people think they are completely right - but they are 50% of the time. That is a pretty good statistic! The one I did do was the ring test. I placed my wedding ring on some yarn and held it over my stomach. Actually DH did it the first time, weeks ago and the ring went in circles: Girl.

I tried again today and it was half circles, half diagonal line. To me that says: Boy.

I also tried holding it over my wrist. In this method you leave it there until it completely stops moving. It supposedly tells you every gender of your kids you will have (these do include miscarriages). I did this twice as well. Circle, line line: Girl, boy, boy. Time two: Line, Line: Boy, Boy.

So really, one way or another this test will be correct. My intuition used to tell me Girl, all the way girl. But I also grew up believing I would never have a boy. So I am sure that helped my influence. Lately, I've been feeling it is a boy. But lately, I am also tired of everyone automatically calling Magoo a girl or pressuring me for a girl. So I have hope it is a boy so everyone else can experience gender disappointment and deserve it. Maybe I actually just don't have any gender intuition at all and it is just swayed by what I am thinking in the moment. We'll find out in T-12 days.

Getting Things Together.

DH and I have scheduled a meeting with our possible doulas. We finally received our bassinet after a lot of hassle and put it together. It is actually even cuter in person than the pictures showed and one of the top rated for safety. The biggest plus is that it recognizes when the baby starts crying and automatically starts vibrating - a soothing movement that can put baby back to sleep. We have one more order to place and all of our diapers will be ordered. We will end up with 5 different brands because you never know what will work for what child, but I think we will be pretty good based off of reviews and talking to other cloth diapering momma's. This means for about $220 we will have all the diapers we need while Magoo needs diapers. And while Magoo's siblings need diapers, etc. You really can't beat that.

After this order, DH and I will not be ordering or buying anything else so we can see what will happen at our baby shower. It is completely possible (and we are hopeful!) that we won't really need to buy anything else. We've been getting a lot of help getting the things we need thus far, mostly things that other people wouldn't be able to get us - like the cloth diapers. A free changing table my MIL got. I did purchase a Spiderman bamboo diaper that I know will be DH's go to diaper and a onesie for him that says "My Dad Dresses Me" with a picture of Darth Vader.

Our anatomy scan is in 2 weeks, it still seems so far away and a lot of people are finding out there are problems with their babies at this scan so it is a little stressful to wait. There are people who are finding out their babies will die soon because of problems like tumors in bad places, heart defects or intestines not forming correctly. Or that the baby actually died a couple weeks before they even had their scan. And they just have to wait to go into labor because its too late to do it any other way. My biggest concerns are that I have low amniotic fluid or am leaking amniotic fluid (mostly because there is no real way to know on either one without a professional checking you out). But I also feel like everything probably is okay and I am just worrying because that is what pregnant women do.

Other than that, Magoo has started moving around a lot more. I often feel like there is a heavy stone in my abdomen and it is the baby doing something. There are kicks and/or punches. I got a little anxious once, my adrenaline went up and Magoo was either partying with it or telling me to knock it off! Last night I finally was able to get DH to stay up late enough to try to feel the kicking. He put his hand there and thought maybe he felt it and said, "let me try to hear." I have no idea what he thought he would hear, but he put his head down and then said, "C'mon baby! Kick your Daddy in the head!" This did not occur. But afterward DH placed his hand once more and was able to finally feel two solid kicks. I can't imagine what they will feel like when baby is stronger!

High-Risk Pregnancy

I knew having thyroid problems could cause issues during the pregnancy - for both me and the baby. What I didn't know was that because I have Graves Disease treated with Iodine Nuclear Radiation, that actually makes this and every pregnancy I have high-risk. Even though I no longer have a thyroid, the TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) receptor can still be in my blood and travel through the placenta to Magoo. This would cause Magoo to become hyperthyroid as well. If not well monitored or diagnosed late, it almost always ends with a stillborn birth. Thyroid problems can also cause the baby to have significant heart defects and a large thyroid goiter - which can result in the baby suffocating. Besides being scary knowing most of my problems come later in the pregnancy and not early on like most people, I also am not sure why I wasn't told about this earlier. I supposed at this point there is nothing that they can do. From what I researched (yikes! I know, stay away from google, but I'm getting much better at keeping the information realistic instead of scary), after my 20 week anatomy scan I will need an ultrasound scan every 4 weeks until 32 weeks and then either weekly or bi-weekly to continuously monitor the heart and thyroid. If there will be a goiter, it is usually found at 32 weeks. This could mean I would need to be induced to go into an early labor if, and by if I do mean if, a problem arises. If Magoo is found to have any problems besides inducing early they could: adjust my thyroid medication, insert a needle through my abdomen into the baby to get a blood test and then insert liquid medication directly to the baby. The invasive testing obviously could cause other problems on its own. I do have to say, when I was 15 and getting the radiation, I don't recall the doctor ever telling me it could cause problems with fertility or pregnancy or the chance that it could cause my child lifelong problems. It seems like that should have been information I should have been given. Granted, I was 15 and not sure how it would have affected my decision because all I could think about was that I was about to get really fat. But at least I would have had the information to make the decision and before getting pregnant I would have known the questions to ask, who to ask and what to be ready for. Now in a few more weeks when I go in for my 20 week check-up, you can bet my doctor will be getting slammed with a lot of questions!

Don't Vomit Yet.

I wanted to say barf or puke, but I always remember my fourth grade teaching telling me, "Stacy, please say vomit. Those other words aren't nice." I hate being corrected and thus is has always been vomit. Is it really a nicer word?

Anyways, I have heard from both a placenta encapsulation team and a possible doula team. Because we will be jobless in a short month, both parties are willing to work with us pro-bono or very low cost. We will meet with the doulas in July because one is getting married and can't meet prior to that (really that is pretty near). Both are trained and one of them is also a therapist who works with anxiety/depression. The other is kooky, high-energy seeming, which I think both could be quite good fits for what I will need. And I'm looking forward to having someone naturally help my pain.

The placenta team would require that I (or someone at my house), bring my placenta home. Then they come over and prepare it one day, let it dry overnight and then encapsulate it the next day. It seems interesting and one of them said she noticed a major difference between her two births in terms of depression/anxiety. But who is to say without the placenta she would have even had it as badly this time. Each pregnancy is different. I will not be eating the placenta raw or in a smoothie because you can still taste things in smoothies. Plus the advantage of the encapsulation is that you get a little bit each day and taper off - so there isn't a rush of hormones after pregnancy, then built back up by the placenta, then falling off again. That is why post partum problems happen, because it is so abrupt. The other advantage of the encapsulation is that I could be at home with my father while they chop up the placenta in the kitchen, possibly at the same time he may want to make a sandwich. I like watching people grossed out and it keeps me from being grossed out.

In other Magoo news, we had our 16 week check-up, though it was really a 17w. Everything seems to be going well, the heartbeat was (let's be cliche) galloping away at a lovely and strong 146bmp. We've scheduled our anatomy scan and our 20 week check up. The half way point is in sight. Over this weekend my stomach went from bloppy to firm. I now have a hard baby bump, baby means business. I am also feeling small kicks, especially at night when I lay down and Magoo wakes up. It isn't anything that could keep you awake yet, but like little taps from the inside. They are not consistent yet (I felt nothing yesterday) and one this morning when I got up. But Magoo is still there. Tomorrow I visit my endocrinologist to see if my thyroid has yet evened out, I go to a normal ob the following week and then the week after that is my 20w check up. I am hoping it all goes by quickly.

And stay tuned. A geeky baby shop is coming your way shortly and I will need people to make purchases, crafting can be income. Especially when you hit the masses most people ignore: geeks and nerds. Ah yes.

A Little Out There.

I have been thinking about having a doula at my birth. They specialize in ensuring your birth plan is followed as medically safe and massage your back or other points to help with pain management. I intend to try a natural birth, with IV pain meds at most because I'm terrified of the epidural. It can have terrible consequences on both the mother and child, plus who wants a giant needle shoved in their spine? Not this Momma. So having the doula could be extremely helpful. The problem is - insurance doesn't cover them and their services are not cheap ($500 is cheap). Just this minute, I found out that the hospital I will be birthing at has volunteer doulas available for any mother - if you go into labor on a weekend, hahaha. So, uh, Magoo, you want to try to time this birth from a Friday to Sunday please and thank you:)

Even further out there: placenta encapsulation. Also not cheap at $150, but I asked to be put on a sliding scale unless DH or I get a job and can afford the full price. What this entails is saving the placenta. I am asking for delayed cord clamping so the baby is born with all of the necessary blood - immediately clamping cuts off up to 50% of the baby's blood supply. Then the placenta is taken to a specialist who will dehydrate it, cut it up, mix it with herbs and shove it into capsules. I take a few a day and work my way down to one a day. Kind of disgusting, right? Ingesting your own organ. Some people just eat the damn thing raw. Ick. No thank you, just having to swallow the pill will be disgusting.

Why do this? Well it is proven to have a lot of benefits. Keeping your milk supply up, causing post partum bleeding to significantly lessen, boost your immunity, etc. The most important thing for me however, is that it is proven to reduce your chances for post partum depression/anxiety. As someone already diagnosed with generalized anxiety and only a few points away from meeting requirements of where they would be worried about me (in terms of pregnancy and anxiety problems), I run a high risk of post partum anxiety. If sucking it up and taking a few pills of placenta a day will keep me mentally healthy so I can maintain physically/emotionally stable relationships with myself, my new child and my husband, well I will do that. I've been so deep in anxiety/panic, I can't possibly imagine falling any lower and living through it. Maybe even thinking this can help will make a difference even if it actually doesn't. But somehow I will find the money to be able to eat my placenta. I have been on a low for a long time and I refuse to stay there.

This is me saying,  yes.